Destiny of Loneliness
by Kal Kally
Summary: COMPLETED. Being born a creature of loneliness didn’t mean that Hiei couldn’t feel love and affection. But when Fate stole Kurama away from him, he must choose between accepting his Fate and fighting against it.
1. You get under my skin

Destiny of loneliness.

Kal Kally

Disclaimer: Yu Yu Hakusho and its characters don't belong to me.

Warning: Shounen ai. If you can't handle it, don't read.

Pairing: Kurama/Hiei

Summary: Being born a creature of loneliness didn't mean that Hiei couldn't feel love and affection. But when Fate stole Kurama away from him, he must choose between accepting his Fate and fighting against it.

Chapter 1: You get under my skin…

Hiei leapt from roof to roof, crossing the city. He moved so fast that if one looked up at the sky, he would only see a flickering shadow. 

Blood was dripping from his right sleeve. Hiei pressed his hand tightly on the deep cut on his shoulder. The fabric there had been soaked with blood. He was injured badly, but not enough to put his life in danger. With his enormous youki, Hiei could stop the bleeding easily. However, he blocked his youki from coming to the wound without even being aware of doing it.

He stopped on a tree in a small yard. The window was open as usual. From inside, a sweet fragrance of roses drifted out, making a small smile form on his lips. That person was home. Hiei's eyes traveled into the room and stopped on a redhead human who was writing something on a thick notebook.

The other boy placed the pen down and turned his head to the window. Hiei left the branch he had been standing on and landed on the floor of the room, knowing he had been detected. "Kurama," he acknowledged his friend.

Kurama stood up and fully turned to him. "You come early today, Hiei." He commented, then as he saw the blood that was now forming a little pool on the floor, his eyes widened. He rushed to Hiei. "Hiei! What happened?"

"Nothing." Hiei just shrugged. Unfortunately, the movement sent throbbing pain through his body from the wound on his shoulders. He winced, then realized it, and winced even more.

"Nothing?!? Your clothes have been soaked with blood. This isn't just nothing, Hiei!"

"Don't yell. This isn't the first time I got injured."

"No, it isn't. In fact, it's only the third time this week. And today is just Thursday." Kurama retorted, then sighed. "It's always the same, you keep coming back here badly injured. Sometimes I though you got yourself hurt on purpose."

"Maybe."

"What?" Kurama asked incredulously.

"Nothing."

Kurama decided that it was futile to ask Hiei more. He gestured Hiei to sit down on the bed and walked out of the room. A few minutes later, he returned with a first aid kit and started to take care of Hiei's wound. Outside, night was falling on leaves and branches. Inside this room, no one said a word, settled on enjoying the sweet silence between them.

After a while, Kurama finished dressing Hiei's wound. "There. It's fine now." He said and closed the first aid kit.

"I'll go." Hiei stood up, grabbed his black coat and headed to the open window. His wrist was caught a second after. Hiei growled in annoyance, but didn't attempt to break the hold.

"Where are you going?" Kurama asked.

"None of your business."

"Why don't you stay here tonight? It takes time for your wound to heal. Hiei, stay here would you?"

"Hiei!" Kurama stared into Hiei's eyes and repeated the question. The fire youkai didn't replied, just stared back impassively. The eye contact lasted for several seconds. In the end, it was Hiei that gave up and turned away.

Kurama smiled, knowing he had won. "Now, stay here and rest." He ordered and released Hiei's wrist. He took out some clothes from his wardrobe and threw it on the bed. "Change. I'll take your clothes out and do the laundry."

"Why?" Hiei asked.

"Because it has been drenched with blood."

"It's just fine, I don't mind a little blood."

"Are you going to wear them to go to Yukina?" Kurama lifted his eyebrows.

"Do what you want." Hiei hastily agreed.

Kurama chuckled and turned away to give Hiei privacy. The expression on Hiei's face when he mentioned Yukina's name was priceless. If you knew where to press, it would be easy to deal with a person even as stubborn as Hiei was. He took the first aid kit and Hiei's clothes and walked out. After a while, he returned. Hiei was leaning to the wall near the window, his eyes closed.

"I'm not going to stay." Hiei announced.

"Really?" Kurama asked, glancing at the window that now had been shut and the curtain that had been drawn close.

"Hn." 

Kurama didn't pay attention to him. A strange flower appeared on his hand from thin air. He crushed it until a red liquid seeped out from his fist. Kurama let the fluid dropped on the bloodstain on the floor. As soon as the fluid met the stain, red mixed with red and faded.

"Why bother?" asked Hiei, his eyes still closed.

"I'll get into trouble if my mother sees blood in my room." Kurama explained. He turned the light off and got on the bed. A few minutes later, a small body crawled onto the bed and got under the blanket with him.

"Good night, Hiei." He whispered.

"Hn." There was a pause, and then Hiei continued, so quietly that it was almost inaudible. "Good night, Kurama."

Hiei stayed awake for a long time, listening to Kurama's breath. He wondered what Kurama was dreaming now. Would hatred and pain, blood and tears of four hundred years living as a youko follow Kurama into dreams like the memories of Hiei's much shorter life usually did? Or would those dreams consist of only flowers, beautiful and tender just like Kurama's present self?

It might be warm and peaceful, Hiei decided, because that peacefulness had spread to him as well. It chased away his nightmares and brought him deep and dreamless sleep. Maybe that was the reason why no matter what happened, he always came back here, came back to Kurama.

The sweet silence and the smell of roses seemed to mix and formed a wordless lullaby luring his mind into a thoughtless state. He snuggled closer to Kurama and fell into sleep before he knew it.

Who would believe that a fire demon like him would still yearning for the warmth of a human?

***

A wet touch on his lips woke Hiei up. His eyes flew open to stare straight into deep emerald ones. Growling, he sat up and pushed Kurama back. "What did you do?"

"Nothing." Kurama smiled.

It's not very hard to realize Kurama was using his own way of answering people to reply to him. Hiei considered getting angry, but decided against it. After all, Kurama was still keeping his clothes; he didn't want to run around naked. "You're always as annoying as hell." He snorted and turned away from Kurama. "I know you enough to be careful. Who knows when you suddenly want to plant some nasty flowers on me." He complained though his voice lack of the usual venom.

"I was asking myself." Hiei blinked at the sudden change of subject, but didn't say anything. Kurama continued. "If I disappeared, would you search for me? Would you never stop searching until you found me?"

"Asking yourself? Then let yourself answer it."

"Hiei! I'm serious. Wait!" Kurama cried. "Did you just pull a joke? Never thought you have that in you." He said and pinched Hiei's noise.

Hiei scowled and patted Kurama's hand away. "Don't do that."

"Then tell me, what would you do if I disappeared?"

"You're really annoying. Why do you ask that? You won't disappear."

"But what if it's something that would happen in the future?" Kurama protested. "You never know what the future hold for you, right?"

"Nonsense." Even if something must happen, I trust you to at least be able to survive any possible danger and return on your own. Knowing you, you may spend some time to give whoever dares to touch you a little present first."

"I expected a different answer. That's cold, Hiei." Kurama sighed. 

"What else do you want, stupid human? That's how I am." Hiei's voice was dripping with annoyance now. What was wrong with Kurama today? The youko sounded almost emotional.

"But I like you this way." Kurama said. He placed his hand on Hiei's cheek and leaned closer. The emotionless expression on Hiei's face stayed the same, but for some reason he didn't even understand, his heart beat faster. His eyes automatically flew shut, feeling Kurama's breath warm on his lips.

The phone chose that moment to ring. It snapped Hiei out of whatever trance he was in. The realization of what he was going to do finally drawn in, he cursed and rolled away from Kurama. It would have been a fluid movement to jump out of the bed if he didn't get entangled in the blanket and fall to the floor with a loud thud.

Kurama sweatdropped. "Are you alright?" The youko asked as he crawled to the edge of the bed to look down at him. Hiei thought he could die right there because of embarrassment. To his horror, he felt his cheek getting hotter. Thankfully, the bell rang again.

"Shut up and answered the phone." Hiei gestured Kurama to pick the phone up, trying to make it sound like an order as much as possible in an attempt to cover up his fall. "Just answered that damn thing!" He scowled when Kurama failed to move, just stared at him blankly.

"That's strange," Kurama commented, "you never cared if I answered that damn thing before, and wow, you did know what a phone is, I never thought--" The phone rang again, cutting off his sentence.

"Will you answered it or not?" Hiei shot him a glare from his position on the floor. "Or do you want to be a roasted fox?" His youki rose as he sent Kurama a silent warning. It was not that he really wanted to hurt Kurama, he just felt too uncomfortable with the situation.

Kurama smiled, unaffected by Hiei's unspoken threat, but he picked the phone up anyway. "Yusuke?" After a few seconds, Kurama asked, sounding surprised, "Why do you call me so early?" Yusuke at this time of the day never meant a good thing.

There was a pause, and then Kurama asked incredulously. "And you need your help because of that?" This made Hiei winced. It was not only a bad thing, but also troubles, which, predictably, would cost him a day at least. 

"I mean Hiei and me." Kurama said. "He slept here last night." At the mention of his name, Hiei startled and realized that he was still entangled in the blanket. He shifted back to throwing the blanket off him and got up. "We didn't do anything like THAT!" Kurama's yell got his attention. Hiei turned back and frowned. Kurama was blushing.

"What is THAT that we didn't do, Kurama?" He asked, walking to the youko

"No, nothing." Kurama nearly dropped the phone. This made Hiei suspicious even more. "Let me talk to Yusuke." He demanded.

"Really, Hiei, it's nothing." Kurama told him, then quickly returned to Yusuke. "We'll come to your house right now. See you later." He put the phone down right after he finished his sentence.

Hiei looked at Kurama skeptically. "You're hiding something from me, right?"

"No, It's just that Yusuke want us to come to his house right now."

"For what?" Hiei asked, then he waved his hand. "No, don't answer, let me guess. An unexpectedly powerful youkai tried to do something nasty to this damn human world, and therefore must be stopped by us AGAIN, right?"

Kurama looked nervous. "Er, Hiei, it's because of an A-class youkai."

"What???" Hiei nearly felt over.

"You heard it."

"That stupid human! Call us just because of an A-class youkai??? Why couldn't he take care of that youkai alone?"

"I'm sure Yusuke has his reason. He wasn't the type of people who cry for help just because of a normal threat. There's no need to be angry."

Hiei could tell that Kurama was trying to calm him. "I'm not angry, Kurama, just astonished." He said and sat down on the floor, leaning to the wall near the window. "But I don't like to be ordered around just for nothing. You go alone."

"Yusuke did ask for both of us." Kurama protested. "It won't hurt you to just listen to what he has to say. You must go with me."

"No." That was the only answer.

"Hiei! We must."

"I said no."

"Don't be so stubborn. It might be a very important reason. You just go with me to Yusuke's house, and then you're free to do whatever you want."

"Fine," Hiei growled "But it's just because of that I don't want to hear your ramblings anymore. So?"

"So what?" A puzzled look crossed Kurama's face.

"Where are my clothes?" Hiei asked patiently. "You don't expect me to run around in these human sleeping clothes like this, do you?"

Kurama walked to the wardrobe and started to dig in there. "Well, they're both soaked now, not to mention torn. So…, here they are!" He took out a dark blue T-shirt and a short trouser. "You can borrow my clothes." He handed them to Hiei. The clothes were human-styled again. Hiei just stared at the clothes with undisguised disgust.

"It doesn't bite." Kurama smiled.

"There's no way I'll wear those stupid human things. Just give me back my clothes, wet or not, I'll still wear them."

"No." Hiei glared at the youko, his glare hot enough to melt even iron. But as usual, Kurama was unaffected. "They're torn and wet. I'll give them back to you once I mended them.

"Then what am I going to wear now???" 

"This." Kurama held out the human-styled clothes to him, then added dryly. "You could always walk out in these human sleeping clothes, if you really want, you know it."

"Fine." Hiei snatched the clothes from Kurama's hands. As he silently put them on, a thought kept whirling around his head. Why was he always so weak around Kurama? He, a cold blood Koorime who rarely cared about anything else except his sister, suddenly found out that somebody else was slowly becoming important to him. It was so disturbing, and it was intolerant. For in the world he lived, the world where the weak had no right to exist, attachment meant a weakness, and sometimes, a fatal mistake that might cost your life. What was Kurama to him?

Kurama called him to go and Hiei gave up trying to find the answer. Now, he must concentrate on eliminating their next enemy, be it powerful or weak. He would return to that question later.

***


	2. You give me a heart attack

Destiny Of Loneliness

Kal Kally

Chapter 2: You give me a heart attack.

***

"So what?" Hiei demanded. "Why can't you finish that damn youkai off yourself? They were all in Yusuke's room. Kuwabara, Yusuke and Kurama were sitting on the floor while he was leaning against the wall, arm folded.

"It's not that I can't get rid of an A-class youkai. It's that I can't find him." Yusuke explained.

"That's why he needs your help, Hiei." Kurama added, his eyes darting around. He was trying his best not to show his discomfort. Dirty clothes, comic books and leftovers were everywhere. But it seemed that no one else paid attention to the state of the room.

"Then get it over with." Hiei said. "Tell me whom I need to find."

Yusuke scratched his head. "There it comes the problem. Koenma only told me an A-class youkai got to Ningenkai last night with a bad purpose. But that information was gathered from rumors. He didn't know who that youkai was. So here, we don't know about his power, his appearance, practically nothing about him."

"Only that he's an A-class youkai." Kuwabara said sourly. "It would have been less annoying if he's an extremely powerful one. Now, it's plainly ridiculous."

Hiei didn't know what he should do, to laugh at the joke or to cry in frustration, but he never laughed at any joke, and he surely wouldn't cry. So his expression didn't change. "Then how am I supposed to find him?"

"Maybe you should try to see if there's any A-class youkai in the city, Hiei." Yusuke suggested.

"But Yusuke," Kurama said. "If that youkai uses wards, some powerful ones on his power, even Hiei's Jagan won't be able to detect his youki level."

"Damn. I've never thought of it."

"And we couldn't just walk around asking everyone we met if he was a youkai or not." 

Yusuke stood up and looked at his friends. "Instead of sitting here doing nothing, maybe we should separate and search for the youkai."

"But none of us know about him, how can we search for him?" Kuwabara protested.

"Moron."

"What? What did you just say little shrimp?" Hiei's words made Kuwabara look up angrily and snap.

"Oh no, you guys don't start a fight now." Kurama tried to calm both of his friends down. "We just search for a youkai with unusual behavior, is that alright? Meanwhile, Hiei would search with his Jagan. Even if it's a small chance, we should try it."

"Fine with me." Hiei said and flickered out of the room through the window, decided that he would find the youkai in his own way.

He heard Yusuke say behind him. "He'll never change." The Koorime snorted. 'Stupid ningen. Why must I change?' The next words got his attention and he halted. "I can't understand how you stand him, Kurama." It was Kuwabara's voice. He landed on a tree rather far from Yusuke's house and took his headband off, hoping to catch that conversation.

His eyes closed as the Jagan opened, sending its power towards the place where his friends were staying. He felt a little guilty to spy on his friends like this, but as a certain question came back, he ignored his guilt.

'…friend, just like you and Kuwabara.' Kurama said.

'Is it?' Yusuke said. 'The way you care for him made me think of something more intimate than just friendship.'

'Maybe.' Hiei couldn't hear it, but he could sense Kurama's warm smile. 

'Maybe?' Kuwabara asked. 'You must know what Hiei is to you, right?'

Kurama's aura had become subdued as if he was sad. 'I know, but the important thing is not that but what I am to him.'

His eyes snapped open. Hiei stared at the empty air for a moment as if he was frozen, then he slowly tied back the headband over his Jagan. That question came again. He had a nagging feeling that its answer would be very important, but he didn't know how to find it.

Suddenly searching for the youkai became very interesting. He needed something to occupy his thought. A quick glance at the direction of Yusuke's house, then he was gone in a blur of blue and white, the colors of the clothes Kurama gave him.

***

It was getting dark and Hiei still didn't get any closer to the mysterious youkai. He had been traveling along the roofs of buildings all day, stopped whenever he arrived at a new location and scanned the area with his Jagan, but it was no used.

Hiei blinked. The sight of Yusuke's house greeting him didn't make him feel any better. He had returned to where he had started. He hid among the branches and put on his guard as he heard some one step nearer.

Kurama's youki became transparent even before he came into view. Hiei relaxed and landed beside the youko. "You didn't find anything too?" 

"No." Kurama replied shortly, didn't seem surprised at Hiei's sudden appearance.

"Why don't we just wait for that youkai to act first?" 

Kurama stopped walking and turned to him. "Because then it would be too late. People might have been hurt. Something might have been destroyed."

"Then let it be destroyed. Whatever he destroyed wouldn't be much since his power wasn't really that high."

"High enough to create a mess in Ningenkai. Besides, if he wanted to hide, he wouldn't act first."

Suddenly, Hiei felt a sharp sense of danger. He jumped to his left just in time to dodge several black crystals with sharp end coming at his way. From a corner of his eyes, Kurama too had evaded and some black shards embedded into the wall he had been standing near.

"Who?" Kurama cried and dashed his eyes around. The only answer was silence as the street was empty. He jumped out of the way of another black crystal shard and turned his head to find the place the crystal had come from. The next moment, he ran to that direction, summoning his Rosewhip on the way.

Hiei lunged to that direction to, but he halted and swirled around as he heard the noise coming from behind them. His sword sliced at one crystal and cut it into halves right before it could touch Kurama's back. "It wasn't coming from there." Hiei warned Kurama, who didn't have the chance to reply as crystal shards attacked them one by one from all directions.

They dodged and blocked the attacks easily, but unable to detect their enemy's youki. Hiei saw a movement on his left side and threw a fireball at it. The fireball hit something and exploded into thousands of tiny fire sparks. They quickly died down, revealed an unharmed youkai.

The youkai had a fair blue skin. His pointed ears and long hair gave him a rather delicate feature. More like an elves, Hiei thought, looking at his strange clothes and realized the youkai was indeed a female. "You must have very sharp sense to track down where I was hiding." She clapped.

"Who are you?" Kurama asked. The last attack had torn a long gash on his sleeves. "Why did you attack us?"

The youkai smiled coldly. "You traitors. Youkai like you, who betray Makai to make friends with human and serve for Reikai have no right to exist."

"But peace has been made between the two worlds." Kurama said, confused.

"There would never been peace!" She roared and hundreds of crystal shards formed in the air and attacked them from all directions. They met the sword and the rosewhip and bounced back then disappeared. "Besides, all you Reikai detectives will be obstacles on my way to get what I want. I must get rid of you at all cost."

"And how are you going to do that?" A new comer's voice came from the other end of the street. Night had come. All the light was coming from the glow on Yusuke's fingertip and a few street lamps that remained untouched after the rain of crystal shards. It was then did Kurama and Hiei realize that both sides of the street lead to darkness. The youkai had separated this part of the street by walls of darkness, possibly not to let this fight be intruded by normal human.

"Eliminating you, of course." The youkai answered. If she had seen Kurama and Hiei both get away from her, she didn't show it, just maintaining a sickly sweet smile.

"With that power of you? Nah, I don't think so." Yusuke raised his hand and pointed his finger at the youkai. The blue-white light had become painful to look at.

The youkai didn't move an inch. "Believe or not, none of you can touch me."

Yusuke fired.

At the same time, on the youkai's hand appeared a crystal shield. The bold of blue-white energy slammed into it, and instantly faded.

"What the--" Yusuke cried in disbelief. From behind him, Kuwabara leapt up into the air and sliced his Reiki sword at the youkai. She quickly held the dark shield up. Once met the black surface, Kuwabara's sword also disappeared. 

"So that's how you two can get pass my barriers." The youkai licked her lips. "I see. Great power."

"Damn." Hiei exclaimed as he saw the confused look on his two friends' faces. The Jagan glowed dimly under the headband as he realized their opponent's youki had slightly risen up.

"This is not good." Kurama said beside him.

"Definitely."

Kuwabara had summoned Rei sword again. "Don't!" Hiei and Kurama both cried at the same time. "Idiot." Hiei yelled at his friend. "Use your head to think. She's absorbing your power."

"What? Who are you calling idiot?" Kuwabara snapped, but he did lower his blade.

"The little Koorime is right." The youkai said smugly. "Reikai detectives, I want your powers."

"Then we'll defeat you without youki or reiki or what so ever." Hiei growled and attacked her with his sword. He hit her arm once, leaving a red gash on her skin. He lashed out for another strike, but this time his sword met the shield. He felt some force pulled at his sword and startled as his youki was suck into the shield through the sword's length. He jerked his hand away from the blade and jumped back. The sword was sucked into the shield completely.

The youkai laughed. "See, even if you use only martial art, I can still drain you to the last bit of your ki and feed those delicious powers to myself."

"We will see." Yusuke screamed and lunged forwards. The fight resumed.

The youkai's youki didn't match any of the Reikai Detectives' at first, but she was as quick as Hiei, if not quickier. As the fight went on, her ki built up little by little while Hiei and his friends' powers were drained slowly. Even as they attacked all at once, they couldn't get past her black ki shield.

Another shard barely missed Hiei as he jumped away from the tree trunk he had just landed on. He heard Kurama's cry as some more shards were coming at his way and one stabbed to his already wounded shoulder. A painful gasp escaped his throat as he immediately flung himself backwards to evade the next attack.

"We could never hit her like this." Hiei snarled and pulled the shard out of his flesh forcefully. He tossed his headband aside. His Jagan opened and the bandages on his arm seethed and smoked. 

"Hiei, you can't do that!" Both Kurama and Yusuke cried.

"Why not?" Hiei growled, getting rid of the last ward on his power. A red glow covered his Jagan.

"It's pointless. She'll just absorb your power!" Kuwabara cried from the other side.

"Ensatsu Kokuryuha!!!!" Hiei screamed, ignoring his friends' warnings. A huge whirlwind of black fire exploded from him. It shaped the form of a furious dragon. It snarled at the startled youkai and lunged towards her.

She dodged, but the fire dragon followed her like it was a living creature. She grit her teeth in anger and used her black shield to block the massive fire youki. The Dragon's head was sucked into the shield.

Hiei felt the pull instantly, but he resisted it and put more energy into his Dragon. From the look of it, he knew his enemy was not able to pull away also. He managed to keep both of them locked in that state, small sparks of fire and black energy crackling around them like a field of electricity. "Yusuke! Use your Reigun!" Hiei screamed at his friend, though his eyes never left the female youkai. Distraction would be a fatal mistake at the moment.

For the first time, fear appeared on the youkai's face. She tried to jerk her shield away from the raging dragon, but couldn't succeed. Not very far from her, the dark hair boy was now pointing his finger at her. The power concentrated around his fingertip made her shudder. 

"No!" The youkai cried and frantically jerked one hand out of the shield. Her power was not strong enough to create two shields at once, but at least, she could do something to destroy the owner of the ki dragon and get herself away from it. Energy built up on her free hand very fast, then suddenly was released. At the same times, Yusuke fired his Reigun.

Hiei saw dark bolts were blasted at him, but he too was stuck to the link created by his dragon and the black shield. Someone pushed him violently at his side, sending him crashing to the ground. The sudden force and movement cut off Hiei's hold on the dragon and it was completely sucked into the dark surface of the shield.

Screams filled the air together with the smell of burning flesh. It was obvious that the female youkai couldn't absorb Yusuke's power without her shield. She was hit by Yusuke's blinding power, but her dark bolts had also not missed its target. Each zigzagged across each other, creating a web of dark energy contracting around Kurama's body.

Blood was trickling down Kurama's chin from the wound on his lower lip where he bit himself. It must be really hurting him, Hiei thought in a somewhat dazed state of mind. Soon, the energy web cut through Kurama's clothes and into his skin, creating blossoms of crimson stains on his clothes.  Hiei sprang up and reached out for his friend, ignoring how dizzy he was after maintaining the dragon for so long. From a corner of his eyes, he saw Yusuke was also running to them.

However, none of them could reach Kurama in time. Yusuke swirled back in alert as the female youkai let out an enraged howl. Trapped in the enormous Reiki, she couldn't hold on to her shield, and it vanished. Her eyes rose up at him in hatred, and with a snarl, her youki burst. Black power and blinding-white light conflicted for a few seconds; cracks of energy seemed to burn the air. Finally, both faded. The youkai was left alone, still alive, but worn out. 

His sword was sucked into the shield earlier, so Hiei summoned his youki sword, grimacing a little that he was indeed mimicking Kuwabara's technical. If their enemy regained her strength and recreated that damn shield, they wouldn't have a chance to win this battle. Before he could attack, some kind of mist suddenly filled the air, blocking his view. When the mist faded, together with the dark ki barriers around them, the female youkai had gone.

Hiei blinked, then turned back as he heard Kuwabara crying Kurama's name, only to stare at empty space where Kurama had just been. He blinked again, this time with tiny, but growing panic. The youkai had taken Kurama with her.

"What happened? Why did he disappear?" Yusuke asked, running to Hiei.

Hiei didn't bother to answer; instead, he focused in sending the power of his Jagan out at all direction. He swayed on his feet and nearly fell if not for a hand clamping down on the upper of his arm, supporting him. 'Oh the humiliation.' Hiei thought as he realized that hand was Kuwabara's. He didn't say anything though as he sensed two strong ki moving out of the city very fast.

"This way." Hiei said simply and pushed himself away from Kuwabara's hand. He leapt up onto a tree trunk and started to follow the two moving ki.

"What the…" Kuwabara looked confused, but as Yusuke had already ran after Hiei, realization drawn in him and he too began to run.

It couldn't be wrong, Hiei thought. One aura was black, while the other was glowing a faint green light. What made him worry was that Kurama's aura was getting weaker and weaker, almost as if…

Hiei shook his head in frustration. What was he thinking? Of course that youkai would try to absorb Kurama's youki to replace her own. He tried to make his legs run faster, realizing that he was still moving at a speed that allowed humans like Kuwabara could see him. It was not because of that he wanted his companion to be able to catch up with him. It really wasn't, but every muscle in his body was screaming for a proper rest, and he was still struggling to stay awake.

"She was feeding on him." 

Hiei glanced at Yusuke. He didn't expect that statement. "You sense it?" He asked.

"Only a little. One doesn't need to have a Jagan to sense the ki of someone as powerful as Kurama."

"I didn't sense anything." That confession from Kuwabara normally would have made Hiei smirk, but at that moment, worry had become so strong that Hiei was surprised to find himself scared. Scared of what, he was not sure, of not being able to get to Kurama in time, of losing him, of missing the chance to tell Kurama he… he what?

The youkai and Kurama's auras were moving very fast. If those two continued to move like that, Hiei knew he could never caught up with them. Worry now blended with panic as he realized Kurama's youki was fading.

"Dammit." He heard Yusuke cry somewhere behind him.

"What's that Yusuke?" Kuwabara asked, puzzled. 

However, Yusuke didn't answer, only snarled and his speed boosted. Yusuke knew it, Hiei thought. He couldn't help being surprised at his ability to stay this calm even though all what he wanted to do was screaming until his throat was raw and sore. Kurama's ki had faded to almost nothingness.

Suddenly Hiei halted. Behind him, he heard Kuwabara curse as he bumped into Yusuke's back. The green aura in only a second had changed from a fading glow into a brilliant one. Not only that, Kurama's ki was rocketing. Hiei had never seen Kurama's power get this strong even when he was in his youko form.

"What's the matter with both of you?" Kuwabara asked.

"What's that Hiei?" Yusuke cried.

"How am I supposed to know?" Hiei replied with a question, hating the fear and panic in his voice but couldn't help it.

It left as abruptly as it came. Hiei nearly died with a heart attack when the enormous youki vanished. Both Kurama and the youkai's auras had disappeared, gone with no sign left.

"No! I refuse to believe it!" Yusuke screamed into the night sky. A human, probably coming home late after his human work, passed him a startled look, but he had already raced to the place where the two youki had vanished. Hiei followed Yusuke, knowing he didn't want to believe it too, but still dread of what he would see. Kuwabara proved to be an idiot as usual. He kept asking what happened, thus made Hiei want nothing more than just to snap his neck.

Even though the unspoken fear must have made them run faster than they had ever run, they still arrived at that place only after about ten minutes. It was a small, abandoned yard surrounded by high buildings. Hiei jumped down from a tree outside and ran in, followed closely by Yusuke and Kuwabara. 

Hiei halt abruptly as the sight that greeted him craved deep into his shocked mind. Never had he expected to see a scene like this. Vaguely, he heard someone's voice behind him and… footsteps? But his mind seemed fogged, made him not able to think clearly.

The scent of roses filled the air, sweet and seductive. It was almost the same type Hiei had always found at Kurama's room. However, something was wrong, very wrong here, for the smell had never been this intense. He felt himself swaying on his feet a little, nearly drown in the strong fragrance and his own dizziness.

Slowly, his vision became focused. The female youkai was sitting on the ground, back leaning to a short tree, the only tree in the yard. Her face was vacant, her eyes wide, but empty. She looked peaceful, all hostility and malice became lost in a moment of eternal rest. Hiei know it, as there was no aura surrounding her. Touching his sense was only a dreadful sensation of death.

Scattered around were thousands of roses. They're mostly in bad shape as if they were just crushed in a cruel fist. There was no blood, but crimson petals were bleeding into the night, and somehow, into his very soul as well. Hiei blended down and picked up a rose near his feet, one of the few roses that remained the shape of a flower. A shudder ran through his body and his hand felt numb. On the rose, Kurama's youki was lingering, not much, only faintly, and fading.

He didn't need to see himself to know that all color had drained from his face. He staggered a few steps back from the sight even though his eyes still glued on it. "This couldn't be happening." The words escaped from his mouth sounded like spoken by a stranger.

Hiei felt a touch on his shoulder. "Hiei, what's going on here?" A familiar voice asked him. 

He turned his head back and was surprised to see Yusuke and Kuwabara there. "Yusuke…? What are you doing here?"

"What are you talking?" Yusuke sounded panic. Hiei groaned as someone shook him hard and shouted into his ears. "Get a hold of your self."

"Don't shout." He whispered. His body fell forward. If not for Yusuke's supporting arms, he would have crumbled to the ground. "My head hurts."

"Hiei, if you want…" Hiei winced, the rest of Yusuke's words were morphing into roars in his ears. Black dots were dancing before him, then expanded and merged with each other. Hiei tried to clear his vision, but in the end, the light was sucked into darkness and left the world before his eyes plain black.

***

To be continued…


	3. You make me angry with everyone

Chapter 3:  You make me angry with everyone.

Thanks Ryuen-chan so much for helping me to beta this chapter.

Thanks everyone for reviewing this fic.

Rose Thorne, Thank you very much for mentioning to me about my mistakes. I didn't notice them, I guess Microsoft Word's checking spell isn't much reliable after all.

"Hiei, what am I to you?" Kurama asked softly.

Hiei could only stare at his friend. The scent of roses was suffocating as every single rose in the rose field was in its fullest bloom. He was trapped in that sweet fragrance, mind numb and body immobile.

Kurama just smiled. A strong wind passed by; it became stronger and stronger until a whirlwind was born and began its destructive journey across the rose field. The delicate flowers couldn't stand such a brutal force, and soon, Hiei found himself standing in the heart of a rose petal storm. The smile on Kurama's lips didn't disappear as he held out to Hiei a crimson rose. 

Like being hypnotized, Hiei stretched his hand out to receive the flower, but Kurama slowly disappeared behind what seemed like a thick wall of swirling petals. 

"Kurama!!!" Hiei screamed but his scream was suck into the whirlwind. They all fell on him. His small body seemed to be crushed under a mountain of petals. He couldn't breathe, couldn't think. The scent of roses continued to poison all his senses. It smelt… it smelt of death…

Hiei gasped and bolt up, eyes open wide. His hands pressed at his throat as he tried to drag air into his lung. He looked around and found himself in a strange room. His instinct screamed at him to take actions, and Hiei scanned the surroundings with his Jagan as whoever brought him here didn't cover it. There were two ki outside; both of them were not very high. One he realized to be Genkai's, the other was Yukina's. This information made him relax slightly.

He wiped away sweat trickling down his temple and realized with a start that his shirt was already damp with sweat. Hiei frown in annoyance as he found himself still wearing the human clothes Kurama had given him.

The door opened and Hiei turned to it. Yukina stepped in, carrying a piece of wet cloth, obviously to replace the one that had been placed on his forehead. Her face lit up when she saw Hiei. "Hiei-san, you wake up!"

"Yukina." Hiei nodded, then noticed Yukina's eyes were red as if she had been crying. "What happened?"

"No, Hiei-san." She smiled somewhat sadly. "I'm just… just…I'm sorry about Kurama-san."

Hiei frowned. "What about Kurama?"

Yukina looked like she was on the verge of breaking down again. "He has been missing. Yusuke-san and Kuwabara-san had been looking for him the last two days, but they couldn't find… what if he…"

"He's not dead." Hiei said sharply, but then his voice softened as he remembered it was his sister that he was talking to. "I'm sure Kurama will be fine. Don't worry, Yukina. Ah, I'm out for two days?"

"Yes. That night, when Yusuke-san brought you here, I was so afraid. You looked so pale, and I tried everything I could, but you didn't wake up." 

"Not you fault. What I was experiencing at that time was not physical wounds, but youki exhaustion." Hiei gingerly pushed himself up. "About my clothes…" he said uncertainly.

"Don't worry about it. Yusuke-san suggested that I found them at Kurama's house. I've bought them back and fixed them." Yukina sighed. "Mrs. Minamino is very worried about him. Kuwabara-san is, too."

"Stupid ningen." Hiei snorted. "They're wasting their time. What's the point in worrying? Kurama is a youko. He cannot be beaten that easily; he knows how to take care of himself. I'm sure he'll return soon when he finishes whatever business he's doing. All what we have to do is waiting."

"But… but isn't it too cold to just abandon him like that, just... sit and do nothing about it?"

"Are you saying that I'm cold-blooded, Yukina?"

"No… It's just…"

"Look. I've known Kurama much longer than Yusuke and Kuwabara have." Hiei dared to allow himself a reassuring touch on Yukina's shoulder. "You'll see. He may come back right tomorrow and laugh his head off knowing we've been making a fuss over his missing." Seeing he hadn't quite convinced Yukina yet, Hiei sighed. "Well, that might not be what he'll do, but I'm sure he'll think all of this is as unnecessary as I'm thinking now."

He was rewarded with a smile, but there was no happiness in it. The fact that Yukina had forced a smile didn't miss on him, but Hiei wasn't quite sure how to change it, so he didn't try, only wishing that Kurama would return soon.

An awkward silence fell upon them. Hiei shifted his foot, didn't know what to do or what to say. Some comforting words were not what he was capable of, and he couldn't just make an excuse and left when he was still wearing Kurama's sweat-soaked clothes. Speaking of clothes… A thought popped up in his head. 

"Yukina, could you bring me my clothes?" He asked, seeking for a reason to get out of this unnerving situation.

To his surprise, Yukina apologized for not realizing Hiei's discomfort and quickly walked out to get his clothes. It seemed she too did feel uncomfortable with the silence between them. This made Hiei wonder how much Yukina had already known, but he dismissed the thought. There was no way on Earth that Yukina knew the truth about her brother.

Yukina returned with his clothes. Hiei noticed with some kind of satisfaction that all of the tears on his clothes had gone. After he finished dressing, he walked to Yukina, who was now standing in the yard, scattering seeds on the ground. His movement scared the doves that had been gathering around her, and they all whooshed up into the sky. Yukina was startled and turned around.

"Where will you go, Hiei-san?" She asked.

"Anywhere I want to."

Hiei winced inwardly as he read the disappointment on Yukina's face. Yukina looked down for a moment, then looked up to meet his eyes. "Why don't you stay here for a while?" She said somewhat uncertainly. "It takes time for your wound to heal. Hiei-san, stay here would you?"

Those words were so familiar. After all, he had heard them many times before, just from another person… His heart clenched for some reason he didn't even know. "My wound is fully healed, Yukina." Hiei refused.

"I know. No, I mean we don't know for sure about it. What if you aren't really feeling well yet? You really should rest and what if--"

"Yukina." Hiei cut her off. "I'll stay, but only for three days. Is that fine?"

Yukina's face brightened with happiness. Somehow, a little of that happiness seeped into Hiei's soul as well, and he felt himself making a smile, tiny and barely invisible, but still a smile.

***

"Hiei-san, would you like some tea?" Yukina asked as she brought in a tea tray.

"No. It's the seventh cup of tea I have this evening." Hiei snapped, but then lowered his voice guiltily. "I'm sorry. It's just that, you know, I don't have to drink this fluid every half an hour."

"I…" Yukina looked terribly sad. Hiei groaned inwardly. Not this again. "I only want to make you forget your worry for a moment. And they say tea is good for people who lost…" She choked on her words and ran out of the room.

Hiei grimaced at the last word, then looked down and frowned when he saw Yukina had left the teacup on the floor. He thought of throwing it away, but realized he couldn't since it was something Yukina made only for him. So he lifted it and drank the whole cup in one gulp.

Yukina had been like this since she heard the full story of that day. Hiei knew he couldn't blame her for feeling like that. Kurama had been missing for four days. There were no sign of him, no phone call, no letter and no trace of ki. Yusuke and Kuwabara had tried very hard to search for him everywhere.

There were footsteps approaching. Hiei tensed, his instinct demanded him to stay alert, ready for a fight, but it was only Yukina. He studied her face, seeing the damp eyes, and immediately knew that she had been crying. Yukina sat down before him, her hands folded on her laps.

"Why are you acting so calm, Hiei-san?" She asked with a confused and sad voice. "Everyone has been driven sick with worry, and I know you're also worried. I… I just don't want to see you like this."

"I told you I was not worried for I knew he would be fine."

"But…"

"Besides, what happens to him is not of my business." Hiei suddenly exploded, feeling too fed up with these kinds of conversation that had constantly taken place in the past few days between him and mostly everyone he knew in the Ningenkai. Why was everyone acting this way? Surely what happened to Kurama wasn't, and would never be their business. After all, wasn't that the way youkai lived?

Unfortunately, Yukina didn't think so. "But Kurama-san is your best friend. We can't just abandon him now when he needs us."

"It's not the matter of abandoning or caring, Yukina. I'm not his baby-sitter. Kurama surely doesn't need any of us to help him. He's a youko who can live on his own, who knows this and understands that I know this. Friends or not, it's all the same."

"How could you say that?" said a male voice. "You're the one who kept crawling back to him and now, he's been missing for just several days and you've already denied his friendship?"

Hiei turned to the opened door and see Yusuke and Kuwabara stepped in, both looked like they hadn't slept for days. Anger swelled in him as he recalled Yusuke's words. "In case you don't know, " he said with malice, "I don't have to care about every youkai who took care of my wounds. Kurama or any other youkai is not really different. It's just that it being he provides me security.

"You little shrimp." Kuwabara lunged forward. Hiei sprang to his feet, expecting a fight. However, Yusuke stepped in between them.

"For that, at least you should care for him enough to be worried." Yusuke said, then mocked. "Oh, I forgot, youkais like you know nothing about caring."

"Right. I'm a youkai. I know nothing about caring. Youkais have their own way of living, ningen."

"Even if it means being heartless and abandoning your comrade when he needs you most? Do you have a heart?" Kuwabara screamed.

"What? Heart? What's a heart?" Hiei laughed. "I don't have one. How many times I have to say this to make your dumb head understand? Kurama is a mature youko who can deal with whatever fate throws at him. And if he can't, it's his own fault to mess with danger from the start."

Hiei heard a soft gasp behind him. "He did that for you, bastard!" Yusuke roared. At the same time, his punched landed hard on Hiei's left cheek, made the youkai's head snapped to a side. The next blow came, but Hiei jumped back to dodge. Reiki flared in the small room from both his two friends, or were they his once-used-to-be friends? Energy cracked around Hiei as his youki rose up to match with the hostile ki.

Used his thumb to wipe away the blood on his torn lips, Hiei growled. "Do you want to die, ningen?"

"Hiei-san, why…" Yukina's tearful voice broke the tension. Hiei turned to her and froze as he saw her horrified expression. In a flash of black and white, he disappeared through the window. Kuwabara and Yusuke's angry curse behind him couldn't make him forget Yukina's words.

Bracing himself at a tree, Hiei breathed heavily, trying to drag air into his suddenly too dry throat. Why did he have to say all of that stuff in front of Yukina? Yukina's eyes seemed to crave into his soul. The sadness and shock in their depth tore his inside more efficient than any sharp razor. He was dimly aware that Kurama might never forgive him for what he had said too. Suddenly breathing was too painful. His fingers dug into the rough surface of the tree hard.

"You're returning to Makai, aren't you?" Yukina said behind him.

Hiei turned around to face her. He was afraid to see the anger directed at him, but painted on Yukina's face was only some kind of compassion. "Yusuke and Kuwabara are still in there?" He asked.

"Yes. Don't be angry with them. They need time to get over what happened to Kurama-san."

"I said that Kurama would return."

"I know." Yukina smiled, or rather - tried to smile. "So why don't you stay here until he returns?"

"No. There's nothing that needs me to be here. I'll return to Makai." Hiei said and turned to walk away.

"But… but what about…"

"About what, Yukina?" Hiei looked back.

Yukina only stared down. "Nothing," she whispered. The next moment, he had gone.

***

Jumping from trees to trees, Hiei crossed the forest until he stopped on one lower branch of a tree that looked like the tallest tree in the forest. Looking up for a moment, then he started to make his way up. He stopped at the top of the tree. The small branch easily supported his weight. His eyes flew close as he tried to calm himself.

The cold wind ruffled his hair and kissed his cheek softly. It had changed its direction. The headband was tossed carelessly into the air and the Jagan opened. A crimson aura covered Hiei as he sent his power out to all directions, searching for a familiar ki. He didn't put up any mental barrier on his power as usual, and immediately received the answer of thousands and thousands of existences. Sadness and passion, hatred and happiness, ki that were powerful, ki that were weak, but pure, ki that were tainted, all seemed to mix together. Like a strong wind blowing at his face with full force, the auras and emotions he picked up made him feel dizzy.

The mixed sensation grew as Hiei pushed more power to his Jagan. Dizziness started to become discomfort, but Hiei still couldn't make out Kurama's existence among millions ones. It was as if Kurama had never existed. The Jagan continued to glow until nightfall and it became only a red light in darkness. In the end, the owner of the light simply gave up, and the light faded, leaving darkness to its complete rule.

***

"What are you doing???" Hiei nearly screamed as he burst into Mukuro's chamber.

"What am I doing?" Mukuro asked, surprised at Hiei's sudden outburst.

"What's the meaning of sending away half of your troops for only a request from Yusuke?" Hiei growled.

Mukuro studied the fire youkai in front of her carefully. She had never seen Hiei in such an unstable state. The temperature in the room had risen up a little, as Hiei's youki wasn't controlled and even visibly swirling in the air. As Mukuro looked closer to it, she could only see blind rage. Sweats were trickling down his temple, but she doubted Hiei acknowledged that.

"Answer me. Damn it." Hiei's hand automatically flew to his sword, his ki rocketing.

Her own ki was aching to rise up as her instinct screamed at her to act against the danger, but Mukuro tried her best to keep her calmness. The last thing she wanted now was to make Hiei fully lost control. "I think you must know the answer by now." She said. "Yusuke has sent messages to both Yomi and me, requesting help to find a youko named Kurama."

"You don't have to follow his order. Withdraw yours."

"Why? I thought Kurama was your friend?"

"It's not the matter of being friends or not. Kurama can return on his own. You have nothing to do with his business. Withdraw your order, Mukuro."

Mukuro frown. She had known Kurama and Hiei shared a very close relationship, but now, she wasn't very sure of it. Hiei was talking as if he hated Kurama with passion. "I can't do that. Yusuke is a Lord of Makai. One of my allies has asked for my aid, and I can't turn my back again it. We might be youkais, but even youkais have their own morals. I thought you understand it more than anyone else?"

The hand on the sword's hilt tightened, and Mukuro stayed alert, prepare for the worst. However, Hiei took a deep breath, then said through clenched teeth. "Fine, do whatever you like, but don't let me see it. Or else… or else I don't know what I'll do." After that little speech, Hiei left.

Sadness reflected in Mukuro's eyes. At the moment when Hiei turned away, she had caught a gleam of emotion flickering in his eyes, and it made her understood. Looking at Hiei's retreating form, she sighed. 'Poor Hiei. He takes it hard.'

***

That was close. Hiei stood shakily by a huge window in the hallway. His grip on the frame was so tight that his knuckles almost went white. The sky was carrying its usual crimson shade or he was looking at the world through a red haze, he didn't know. All what he could do now was trying to calm the hot-boiling anger within himself. Breathe in, breathe out. Nothing happened. It was noting, nothing at all, he repeated silently to himself again and again, even if his mouth tasted blood as his teeth accidentally bit his tongue, even if the steel mullion in his hand had been bended into an awkward angle.

Anger wasn't something new to him. He lived with it. He upgraded it into hared and draw a part of his strength from it. Anger was his soul's flame. Hiei groaned, clutching the steel mullion tighter. It snapped. For a moment, he looked stupidly at the piece of steel on his hand. So destructive, this anger was flame too, but he had always hated things that he had no control over.

His head snapped up as he heard sounds of footsteps coming. Two youkais were walking towards him. The shorter one he didn't know, but he realized the taller one to be one of Mukuro's commanders. Quickly, he regained his cold, indifferent façade and dropped the piece of steel to the door. Then he walked pass the other youkais.

"What was this time about, I wonder. Look at the rat. Bet Mukuro kicked his ass out once again." The shorter youkai whispered to his companion. 

"His slut of a lover left him. He's just so mad over that." The other replied in a mocking tone, but kept his voice low so that Hiei wouldn't hear it. Unfortunately, Hiei's sharp ears did catch the brief conversation.

The words hit Hiei like a hard rock. He spun around, his youki flared. "What did you say?" He screamed/

The two youkais were startled, and then turned pale as they realized they had been heard. "No, we didn't say anything." One of them held his hand in front of him, trying to explain.

"You didn't say anything?" Hiei growled. A fire bolt formed in his hand, and a second after, the poor youkai was engulfed in black flame. Even though he was one of Mukuro's commanders, the attack was too sudden, and from a too near distance for him to dodge. "Then you don't have to say anything." Hiei finished, satisfied. The dying scream and smell of burning flesh had cooled him down a little.

A whimper caught his attention. He shifted his eyes to look at the remaining youkai who was now pressing his back at the stonewall. He wore the expression of pure terror, and his body was shaking. The youkai let out another whimper as Hiei's' attention now was focus on him. He was shaking so badly that he could barely stand even with the wall's support.

Hiei lips quirked up into a cruel smirk and the youkai went rigid. All thoughts thrown out of the window, he fled.

Hiei just stood there watching the other's retreat, arms folded. A prey, just when he needed. The other youkai must have thought he could escape, but that moment ended too quickly. Hiei caught up with him easily. "You called me rat? Let me show you who is rat here." He said into the terrified youkai's ear, voice low enough to be a whisper, but hard enough to be a sneer. His sword slashed at the youkai's shoulder even before he finished his sentence.

The youkai screamed, clutched his bloody shoulder and staggered a few steps back. To his horror, his assailant was standing in front of him, murder in his eyes and blood dripping from his sword. The youkai let out some incoherent begs when Hiei grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him down to his eyes' level. "I don't like to have to look up when I talk with you." Hiei said with disapproval. Before the other youkai could say anything, Hiei kicked hard at his knees, sending him to the ground.

"No, please…" The youkai begged. "I didn't mean it. Please spare my life, Hiei-same."

"Should I?" Hiei thrust his sword into the wound he caused earlier and twisted the blade.

The other youkai screams. He couldn't help trembling, even though this meant more pain for him. "No! Don't kill me!" He begged between sobs while clutching Hiei's leg.

Hiei snorted in disgust. "You want my mercy? Then tell me again. Who is rat?"

"I am. I am. I'm an ugly, dirty rat. Anything you call, just don't kill me."

"Disgusting coward." Hiei pulled the sword back and looked at the youkai indifferently, even as the youkai scrambled away and started to run. 

A random thought crossed his mind. 'Kurama had never been such a coward.' A surge of rage flooded through him. Hiei leapt into the air. "Sorry, I change my mind." He said before his sword drove straight down into the other youkai's head.

Alone in the hallway, Hiei looked at the two corpses. What a mess, but thankfully, his anger had subsided almost completely. He heard the door open behind him and turned back.

"So, have you calmed down yet?" Mukuro asked.

"Hn."

"Good. If you want, I'll send you more youkais. Now, I think you should go back to your room and rest."

"I don't need rest." Hiei protested, but he followed Mukuro's advice anyway.

The next few days continued with the death and disappearance of several dozens of youkais, friends and foes alike. Anyone foolish enough to say anything that related with "Kurama" and "Youko" to Hiei was found dead, or just vanished without traces. Rumor spread fast, and morphed Hiei into a half-crazed youkai who was one of many victims of the Legendary Thief, Youko Kurama, who hated youko Kurama so much that he tracked down and killed anyone dare to say the Youko's name.

A week after the day Kurama had disappeared, the words 'Kurama' and 'youko' became forbidden words that every youkai in Mukuro's territory was afraid of saying.

For that, Hiei was glad. He was sick of hearing others mocking him, or worse, trying to comfort him about Kurama's return. They didn't understand anything. He didn't need mocking that he couldn't keep Kurama, for he was not the youko's baby-sister. He didn't need comfort that Kurama would return, for he had already known that.

Without anyone mentioning Kurama's name in his presence, Hiei relaxed. Too absorbed in his training and fighting, the event of that fateful day slowly disappeared from his mind.

To be continued…


	4. Tell me, could this be sadness?

Chapter 4.

Kal Kally

It had been two years since the last time Hiei went to Nigenkai. It was strange even for him not to visit Yukina for so long, but every time he decided to come to Nigenkai, something held him back. If not for Mukuro and Koenma's order that he should go back and cooperate with his former comrades to complete a mission, he would have still been in Makai by now. But then, when peace had returned to the three worlds, what must be so important that those two needed him to come back to Nigenkai, Hiei wondered as he headed to Genkai's temple.

It was an unspoken rule for the four of them to gather there whenever things happened. He didn't mind it for it meant that he got to meet Yukina more often. Kuwabara didn't mind it too, probably for the same reason as him, Hiei thought with a little annoyance. And Kurama... Hiei stopped in the mid air and fell, landing swiftly on a tree branch. What about Kurama...?

The question lingered in his mind for a long moment. After a while, Hiei decided to change his direction. It wouldn't hurt to pay Kurama a visit, would it?

Two years had passed, how was Kurama now, Hiei couldn't help but wonder. Surely the fox must have returned home by now, mustn't he? Hiei felt a little hurt. He had always thought he would be the first one Kurama contacted once the Youko returned from whenever place he had stayed in.

Hiei stopped on the familiar tree on which he used to sleep every night about two years earlier. For a moment that seemed like an eternity, he could only stare at the window that used to be always open, no matter how bad the weather was. Now, it was close, no longer welcoming him.

Since that day, he had abandoned his habit of coming to the youko's house every night. His parole was over, so he had no need to come to the human world anymore. He hadn't heard of Yusuke and Kuwabara since then. It was the first time in two years that he returned this house, and he knew the sight of that close window hurt him much more than he wanted to admit.

The yard, the trees and the whole house stayed the same. They still looked like what he had seen the last time he had been here. Hiei moved to a branch closer to the window and peered into the room curiously. There was no change in the room, too. Kurama's blanket was neatly folded on the top of his bed. On his desk were several books, and a notebook with an ink pen on its open pages. Kurama surely did return, Hiei thought.

He stared at the room for another second, then turned and headed to Genkai's temple. Kurama would be there, he would meet the youko again after such a long time. Hiei didn't know if he should be happy or not. For days, maybe months, he didn't really think much about the youko. He knew Kurama was missing, but whenever the thought came to his mind, it didn't linger there for more than a second, as he was too busy with Mukuro's army and training himself. That was why he never asked Yusuke about Kurama when they crossed each other's road in Makai. And maybe, that was why Yusuke never said anything.

Hiei stopped on a roof not very far from Kurama's house and looked back at the close window. Kurama had rarely closed it before. The open window was a silent sign between them that no matter what happened, Hiei would always be welcomed there. Could it be Kurama was angry with him, angry that Hiei never once joined Yusuke and Kuwabara to find the fox, angry that Hiei didn't return to Nigenkai sooner?

A look of lost appeared on Hiei's face for a brief moment. Now that Kurama had returned, what should he do now? In the next few minutes, he would meet Kurama, what should he do? Should he say 'long time to see' and act as if nothing had ever happened, or should he put on the mask of happiness that Kurama had come back safely?

Well, only a way to find out. Hiei nodded to himself then continued his way to Genkai's temple.

***

Genkai's Temple was also the same as it was two years ago. When Hiei arrived, Yusuke and Kuwabara had already been there. He nodded as the other two greeted him somewhat strangely, and then sat down.

"Kurama still hasn't come." Hiei's words shattered the uncomfortable silence. It wasn't really a statement, but more like a question.

To Hiei's surprise, both Yusuke and Kuwabara looked like they had been slapped. Kuwabara started at him in surprise. Yusuke stared at him in surprise too, but in those eyes, there were faint sparks of rage. 

"You... you even forget about that." Yusuke said resentfully.

"About what?"

"About Kurama being missing. I can't believe that you actually forgot." Kuwabara said, his face still hold the expression of disbelief.

"I know he *was* missing, idiot," Hiei retorted, "but I've just come to his house and his room is still--"

"Well, in case you suddenly care, we haven't found him yet, but we're still searching. There's no way we abandon him like you." Yusuke spat out, but after a few seconds, his expression turned calm and sad. He said sourly. "Do you really hate him that much? To not care about his safety is one thing, but to ask Mukuro not to help us to search for him..."

Hiei didn't know what to say. It was true that he did ask Mukuro not to help Yusuke and Kuwabara, but he had never hated the fox. But then, how was he going to explain that?

"Yusuke, it's pointless to continue this conversation with Hiei. Hiei makes it clearly that he doesn't care." Kuwabara abruptly said. Hiei frown, something wasn't right. It was just so unusual. What the...?

"Everyone is here?" Botan appeared on the doorstep, her cheerful voice interrupted Hiei's thought. She acknowledged Yusuke and Kuwabara in that same cheerful tone, but when she turned and saw Hiei, her smile faltered a little bit. Hiei frowned again, but said nothing as Botan sat down and started to explain to them about the new mission.

Hiei found himself only listen to Botan with one ear. His mind kept drifting to something vague, too vague that it couldn't form an actual thought.

Kuwabara and even Yusuke, they were acting strange. Yusuke was lack of the cocky grin. And Kuwabara, he didn't even flinch when Hiei called him an idiot. That's it!

"What?" Botan asked. "What do you mean, Hiei-san?"

Hiei startled and looked up, feeling all eyes on him. "What are you saying?"

"You say 'that's it'," Botan explained.

He didn't realize he had slipped his tongue. The impassive expression stayed the same, but Hiei felt oddly. "Nothing, just about our mission, that's all." He said. Yusuke looked like he was about to say something, but as Kuwabara glared at him, he sighed and gestured Botan to continue. Another strange thing, Yusuke never listened to anyone, certainly not Kuwabara.

Botan kept talking, sometime, Yusuke and Kuwabara interrupted her and asked question. After a while, they started to discuss about their plan. They didn't mention Hiei, and surely he didn't feel like asking them anything, so Hiei leaned back against the wall behind and let his thoughts wander.

All of them were acting strange, or was it only him that was strange, Hiei thought as he watched the two other boys and the ferry girl. It hurt. He didn't know what hurt, but it did really hurt.

They had never acted like that, so why now? And why was he being bothered by this change?

***

The mission proved to be not very tough. It took them about nearly an hour to clear the region, and got the rebels' leader. By the end, Hiei got a bruise and several scratches, but he didn't have to use his dragon. And even the bruise and scratches were caused by Yusuke when he carelessly used his shot gun to hit multiple targets without noticing that Hiei was among those youkai.

Hiei sighed, cleaning off the blood on his sword with a small piece of cloth as he hid among the leaves of a tree in the city. He had a feeling that this easy mission was an attempt of Koenma and Mukuro to bring Yusuke, Kuwabara and him back together. It had failed though. Yusuke and Kuwabara rarely said to him a word since the start of their mission. Not that he minded; he wanted them to let him alone anyway. But as stubborn as Hiei was, he still couldn't deny that the silence of the normally lousy boys was unnerving.

Looking up at the sky through branches and leaves, Hiei blinked, almost certain that he had just seen something. But no, it was just the shadows of rustling leaves. The strange emotion that had been building up since he returned to the human world had temporarily vanished when he fought. Now, it crawled back. Not intense, but it spread to every corner of his being and flooded his mind with its presence.

Didn't matter, Hiei shrugged and decided. Whatever that feeling was, it definitely wasn't pain. And if it weren't pain, it was not something that Hiei had to care about. Tucked the sword back into its sheath, Hiei headed to Genkai's temple again.

***

"Hiei-san, I..."

Hiei looked at his sister questioningly. Yukina was nervous and uncomfortable. It painted so clearly on her face that he could tell it even if he didn't use the Jagan or being telepathic.

"I... would you..."

"Just say it, Yukina."

Yukina stared down at the teacup she was holding. She bit her lips slightly, and then looked up at Hiei. "I don't like this."

"What?" Hiei stared, confused. "If you're talking about Kuwabara, don't worry. I'll get rid of him for you."

"Oh no. Not him." Yukina quickly shook. "I mean that I don't like to see you sad like this."

The cup nearly slipped off Hiei's hand. "Nani? I am sad? What's that that you don't want to see me like?"

"Hiei-san... Why don't you join us to find Kurama-san?"

"..."

"Please."

"..."

"Please, Hiei-san."

Hiei couldn't say anything, only stared at his sister in disbelief. Not you too, he thought sourly. His sister was the last one he thought he would receive this question from. "Today, I went to Kurama's house." He put the cup he was holding down. "If he hasn't come back, so why is his room's condition so perfectly normal? Nothing has changed at all."

Yukina blinked at the abrupt change of subject, but as she heard the question, her face saddened. "Ah... that's because Shiori-san couldn't accept that her beloved son might be dead."

"He's not dead, but what does this have to do with anything?"

"She acts as if Kurama-san was still with her." Yukina explained. "I met her once. It's painful to see her like that."

"I don't understand." Hiei frowned.

"She keeps his belongings clean and neatly, serve his meal, talk to him even though he's not in the house. If it's not for her husband, she would have been shattered completely two years ago."

Hiei was silent for a moment. "I still don't understand. Why act like that when knowing Kurama is not there?"

"I guess it's because of hope. It's a part of human, I think." Yukina said. When seeing Hiei's face still stay blank, she sighed and continued. "Keiko-san explained to me once. It's like when everything is dark and gloomy, you think of the nice and bright sky. You wish for it, you believe in it. When a beloved one is lost, sometime you're afraid of changing anything, as you believe that if everything is still the same, someday that beloved one will definitely come back, or at least, you believe that the beloved one is always watching you from heaven."

"Stupid human things." Hiei snorted in disgust. "Things like that are only dreams. Why believe in a dream? Why bother to have a dream at all?"

"No, not stupid, Hiei-san." Yukina shook, her eyes became distant. "Hope gives human the courage to go on, and gives them the power that we youkai don't have. I've never thought about it before, but after meeting Shiori-san, I started to think about it. And I... I think I also have hope."

"Yukina, you're a youkai. You don't need it, whatever it is."

"But I have. I hope that someday I'll meet my brother, that my brother will forgive mother for abandoning him in the past."

His mouth suddenly went dry. Hiei couldn't turn away from Yukina's eyes. They were so bright, so bright that they sent shiver down his spine. "Yukina..." He trailed off.

"Do you think that someday I could hug him and tell him 'I love you, brother?'" Yukina asked without breaking the eye contact.

Now it was suffocating too. Hiei didn't know how to answer, so he just said the truth. "I... I don't know."

Yukina sighed, but quickly brighten up. "Enough of this, Hiei, would you join us?"

"Join us? Who are 'us', and what is it about?"

"To find Kurama-san with us. Yusuke-san, Kuwabara-san won't say anything, but I know they miss you."

That feeling returned again. Since when did Yukina and the others become an 'us', and since when did he become an outsider that needed to join them? Not that he cared, but...

"No." Hiei refused. "What's the point in searching for him anyway?" If you already know he can come back on his own, he silently added.

Shock flashed in her eyes, but Yukina hid it away. "You don't have to act like that Hiei-san. I know you're sad."

"I'm. Not. Sad." Hiei said, feeling anger start to build up.

"You're. I can feel it every time I talk with you."

"I told you I'm not sad."

"It's not wrong to admit that. You..."

Hiei sprang to his feet and looked down at his sister, his lips pressed into a thin line. His anger had flared to the point he could barely control himself. Hiei wanted nothing more than killing someone and destroying something. But even in the mist of anger, he was still aware that sitting in front of him was his sister. After few second, he took a deep breath. "Listen, Yukina, I have never been sad before. And I won't be now just because of a stupid fox missing."

With her eyes so misty and her lips slightly trembling, Yukina looked like she was about to cry. However, she didn't. Instead, she stood up too. "Hiei-san, don't inflict pain on yourself like that. Please open to me. I know, everyone know what you're going through."

After spending the whole afternoon with Yusuke and Kuwabara, this was simply too much. Hiei snapped like a dry stick being bended under too much force. "What do you know? What does everyone know? How long have you known me, Yukina, three or four years? How much time were you actually with me? You don't know me at all. So STOP acting like you have the right to mess into my life!" 

Hiei regretted it even as the last words of his little speech rolled off his tongue, but it was too late. What had been done couldn't be taken back. He could only stare helplessly as Yukina backed away several stepped from him. Tears gathered in her eyes, and soon they escaped to roll over her cheeks and clinked to the floor.

Someone was calling Yukina name from the main door, then the voice stopped. Hiei could hardly hear anything, his world only focus on the tear gems that were falling to the ground. He had hurt...

His instinct caught a sense of danger, and Hiei leapt back, just barely dodged Kuwabara's punch. "How dare you to hurt her!" Kuwabara snarled. He wrapped his arms around Yukina's shoulders and tried to sooth her.

The scene broke his heart into. He stared at the couple in front of him, seeing clearly on Kuwabara's angry face and in Yukina's damp eyes that he wasn't needed here. The realization made him feeling numb from the inside out, so he turned away and left.

***

Hiei wandered around in the night without knowing why. He wanted to go back to Makai, but somehow he couldn't force himself to do that. He kept having the feeling that he needed to do something, or something was pulling him towards it.

He blinked, in his aimlessly wander, his feet had carried him to Kurama's yard. He settled on a tree branch, glancing at the surroundings with wary eyes. It was nearly midnight now and the street outside was empty. It was not that he was scared. He had no reason to fear humans, but night and empty streets did remind him of something, of a memory that he wanted to bury away. Memory of that night had never been pleasant. But... Hiei closed his eyes and placed his sword on his lap, it didn't hurt to stay here just for one night, did it?

The silent night seemed to swallow all noises. All that Hiei could hear were faint rustles of a weak breeze moving through branches and leaves. The earlier feeling returned, slightly became more intense. Hiei frown, trying to shrug off the uncomfortable emotion, but couldn't. A sigh escaped his lips, almost unnoticed. What was wrong with him tonight?

His hand found the sword's hilt and clutched it tight. This sword had always provided him a sense of security, a feeling of being in control. No matter what happened, as long as he had this sword and his dragon, he wouldn't have to be afraid of anything. But for some reason, the sword couldn't bring him the peacefulness he desired. A half-hearted smirk formed on his lips. Hiei wondered idly if he should chop down the tree or burn down the house, because he did feel really insecure right now.

He heard a noise from the room and turned back. The door of Kurama's room opened and a female human stepped in. It cost him a moment to realize the woman to be Kurama's mother; he didn't remember her name though. Hiei curiously inched closer. What was she doing there in the middle of the night?

The woman stood at the door for a long time. Hiei started to feel bored, but when her lips moved, it caught his attention. Because of the glass, he couldn't hear much, so he focused on reading her lips instead.

"... Your brother has decided not to go to college. He wants to become a florist. Because you always like flowers, he said that. Your father is very angry with him. What about you, Shuuichi?" The woman bowed her head. She must have said something, but Hiei couldn't read her lips. After several minutes, she looked up with a sad smile. "I won't bother you anymore. Tomorrow you still have school... Goodnight, Shuuichi."

With that, she turned off the light and left the room. 

Hiei returned to his earlier position against the tree. He couldn't help feeling pity for the woman. What was the point in dreaming what couldn't be reality? Humans were strange, and stupid. They fooled themselves with the illusion of hope. Whatever people said, Hiei knew that he had seen defeat in the woman's eyes. If she believed in Kurama, if she believed that Kurama would come back, she wouldn't do this. But she believed that Kurama was dead, so to spare herself from being hurt by her reality, she created this pathetic play.

"Yukina, you have been fooled. Hope is just an excuse of human to hide their selfishness and satisfy their sick sense of responsibilities or affection." Hiei murmured to himself. 

Kurama's room was dark now. The moonlight the swirled in through the glass of the closed window painted on the floor squares of sliver light shaped by darkness. Hiei could almost imagine Kurama lying on the bed, his face and body cloaked in shadow. The redhead's breath was slowly as he rested in deep sleep, but for some unknown reason, Kurama would always feel Hiei's presence at the very moment that Hiei came into the yard.

Right, Kurama would wake up and left his cover of shadow and stepped into the moonlight. Beautiful. The youko was gorgeous in the silver light, so delicate, yet so dangerous as a red rose with sharp thorns. He would step to the window and opened it. His body was framed by moonlight, breath-takingly beautiful. "Hiei, why are you so late tonight? Come in." He smiled softly and called.

Hiei wasn't aware of the tiny smile on his lips and he stood up and started to move to the window. Even if he were aware, he wouldn't care. His body moved like on his own to answer Kurama's call. A second after, his smile disappeared as if a whole bucket of cold water had just been poured on him.

The window was still close.

Hiei sat down again, feeling faint shivers ran through his body. What had just happened? He hugged his sword closer, suddenly so afraid that it would vanish too, that it would slip out of his grasp.

It did hurt. He couldn't deny it anymore. He did feel pain. No, not really pain. Pain was when he couldn't find his sister; pain was when Yusuke died. This feeling was different. Much less intense, but it was much more lingering, more haunting. That feeling was spreading to every corner of his mind. It made him got angry with and hurt the person he treasured most. It robbed him of his battle lust, and thus returned his world to being gray and empty.

Yukina's words returned to him, and for some brief moment when that feeling became too unbearable, he couldn't help wondering if her words were true.

Could what he felt now be sadness?

To be continued...


	5. Promises and Pain

Chapter 5

Crack!

The impact woke Hiei up instantly as his body hit the ground hard. He darted his eyes around wildly, hands searching for his sword, all his senses on alert. It took him a few seconds to realize that he wasn't lying hidden among leaves anymore. He pushed himself up and frowned at the fallen branch.

He definitely had become heavier. This was the third branch that fell under his weight in this week. His hand flew up to his face. If Mukuro found out about this, she would tease him to death. He looked around again, checking if anyone had seen his fall, but found none. If *he* had seen Hiei like this, what would *he* think?

'What do you think I would do, little Koorime?' A warm breath tickled his ears. Hiei froze, feeling delicate arms wrapping around his chest and someone pressing to his back. His lips moved, but no sound passed them. He swirled around, knowing even before his movement was completed that it was futile, the yard was still dark and empty.

Anger built up from nowhere. Anger crawled inside him like some snake-like creature, searching for the source of its frustration, but finding none. The back of his hand hit the tree hard, not enough to break it, but the sheer strength behind the hit still shook the tree a little and made leaves fall down on Hiei's head like a storm had just passed by.

Hiei growled, brushing leaves out of his hair. The large burnt trace on the tree bark didn't lessen his anger. He didn't remember using his youki, yet that neat burn couldn't be formed by just physical strength only. It was a sign that he had failed to control his power *again*, but in his twisted sense of anger, Hiei idly wished that he had put more youki in the blow. The damn tree deserved to be burnt to the ground.

Inhaled deeply, Hiei forced himself to calm down. He slid down along the tree and sat under it in silence. Maybe it was a bad idea to come here after all.

After all, six years ago, it was in this yard that they had lost trace of Kurama. Hiei groaned, feeling an unmistakable pain at the name. How he wished he could turn back to the time when the fox didn't occupy his every thought. That time, he didn't really forget, but he also didn't really remember about the redhead, which was good… which was peaceful.

It was bad that for some reason Hiei didn't know, even in his missing, Kurama still distracted him to the point he couldn't focus in training and fighting, that every month he must visit Ningenkai at least once, and every stay lasted about one or two weeks. Nights after nights, Hiei found himself staying outside Kurama's room until sleep finally claimed him, only to be haunted in dreams by the image of the fox. He thought he could stand it all, but how could he bear it when he saw flashes of Kurama even in his wake?

If only he could visited Yukina and let her voice and her smile lock away those thoughts, but thank to Kurama again, that option wasn't available to him now. A bitter smile formed on Hiei's face, then quickly turned into a short laugh. He was in Ningenkai, his sister was right beside him, and yet so far away. The space between them was so small, yet so impassable. All because of Kurama… He laughed darkly again. His eyes gazed up to the twinkling stars in the pieces of sky framed by buildings, branches and leaves, memories of the last time he had seen his sister dancing in his head.

***

Yukina looked angelic when she was feeding those birds, Hiei thought, watching his sister from behind a tree. He felt a small pull on his lips. It quickly followed by a small, not quite-like smile. It was hard to think Yukina was a youkai. She was more like an angel.

"Yukina-san!!!" A too happy voice called her. Hiei grimaced. That moron was the reason why he put on wards to hide away his youki. What he wouldn't do to make sure that idiot never bothered his sister again?

"Konichiwa, Kuwabara-san." His sister turned around to greet Kuwabara. Hiei sighed, knowing fully well that he wouldn't do anything, not after seeing how Yukina's face lightened up when she saw Kuwabara. Even the blind could see happiness radiating from her face.

"I…" Kuwabara started babbling. Hiei's ears automatically shut down hearing. Words got in through one ear, and then got out through the other.

"Oh, really Kuwabara-san?" His sister giggled. Hiei rolled his eyes, now sitting against the tree. Kuwabara and Yukina had moved to sit on the porch. From his position, Hiei couldn't see the couple, but unfortunately, he could still hear them. 

How much time had passed? Ten minutes? One hour? Although this happened almost every time he visited Yukina, he still couldn't believe that a conversation could last this long.

Hiei was about to doze off when he heard his name. Curiously, he pushed himself up to his feet again and peered out from behind the tree to look at the couple.

"Hiei-san, isn't that cool-blooded." Yukina cried, her cheerful tone had turned into a sad one.

"He's a cold-blooded bastard, Yukina." Kuwabara protested. From his hidden place, Hiei clenched his teeth, his anger rocketing. The words of his friend, or of the one he had thought to be his friend, had made his blood run cold. "You saw how he acted when Kurama disappeared. He didn't care for Kurama even though I'm sure Kurama had done much for him. I doubt he can care for anyone."

Hiei's fingers dug deep into the tree as he struggled to keep his emotions in check. He had to use all his will to prevent himself from bursting in and throttling Kuwabara to death, then chopping his body to pieces and feeding them to his dragon. He hardly cared about what Kuwabara said about him, but he wouldn't allow anyone to say those things to his sister.

"No, Hiei-san did care. Don't you see his pain when we didn't find Kurama-san?"

"Care, huh? He even told Mukuro not to help us. And you don't see how he kills. Really, Yukina, he doesn't care about anyone. Don't get near him. If that little bastard gets angry with you, he'll let his dragon swallow you up in a minute. But don't worry. The great Kazuma is here. I'll protect you from him."

Protect her from ME? Hiei bit his lips hard to stop a scream of rage. Only the thought that he would have to explain a lot why he was spying on them, and he would upset Yukina by killing Kuwabara stopped him from giving the idiot a slow, painful death.

"I don't think… he seems so nice to me." Yukina whispered.

"He just fakes it. After seeing what he said and did about Kurama, can you say that he isn't heartless?"

Hiei tensed, half furious with Kuwabara, half nervous to wait for Yukina's answer. He was struck speechless as Yukina answered in a soft voice after a pause. "I don't know."

The shock was so abrupt that his anger dropped to almost nothing and his body went rigid. Disappointment, disbelief and pain swelled up in him to the point of being unbearable in only a few second. He had thought that Yukina wouldn't agree with Kuwabara, that she would defend him. But it seemed like he was wrong. Couldn't stand staying there anymore, Hiei turned and quickly left.

That night, for the first time in his life, he spent a whole night thinking, really thinking. It was until that time that Hiei realized he truly hated Kuwabara. He hated that idiot for teasing him, for calling him names, for daring to say all those things about him to his sister. In the back of his mind, he knew they weren't the only reasons. He had seen how happy Yukina was whenever Kuwabara was around. He had also seen how sadness blended in when his name was mentioned. What did Kuwabara have that was even stronger than the bond of blood? Kuwabara could make Yukina happy when Hiei couldn't. For that fact alone, the idiot deserved to die.

What made Hiei hate that idiot most were the knowledge that he couldn't hurt Kuwabara without hurting his sister in the process, and that after all what happened, after all what Kuwabara did and said, he was still important to Hiei. He was still a friend.

Happiness in Yukina's smile and sadness in her eyes flashed through Hiei's mind more than once. He didn't know what to do. He didn't think he could stand listening to Kuwabara's rambling about him without hurting the idiot. Neither could he hold his impassive mask after hearing his sister's soft voice saying, 'I don't know.'

Hiei chuckled bitterly. But then, his sister didn't really agree with Kuwabara, did she? To Yukina, he wasn't a relative; he wasn't even a friend. Yet, Yukina didn't judge Hiei on his words and action like others. Wasn't it enough?

By the time the night faded away, he came to the conclusion that the thing he wanted most was not being able to stay beside Yukina, but Yukina's happiness. And while he didn't have that ability, Kuwabara had. And Hiei knew how he could take away the sadness in his sister's eyes whenever he was around.

With that thought in mind, Hiei decided to stop visiting Genkai's temple. He had never seen Yukina since that time.

***

It came again, that sad memory. Hiei sighed. He longed to drop by Genkai's temple, even if it was only to take a glimpse of Yukina, but that memory was like a great wall preventing him from doing so.

He stretched his limbs like a cat. Dawn was coming, and in the next few hours, sounds of human's life would shatter the silence in the yard. 

Hiei got to his feet, picked his sword up and glanced at the direction of Kurama house. Last night when he arrived at Ningenkai, he hadn't gone there yet. There was no point in trying to sleep now, so he headed that direction.

Something was wrong. Hiei realized it right after he landed on the familiar tree. Hiei got nearer to the window and froze. Kurama's room was empty. For a moment, his mind went blank, then overwhelmed with panic. Before thought could really form, he broke the glass with his elbow and jumped into the room.

What had happened? There was no light except the dim light of early morning flowing in through the broken window. There was also no furniture, only several crumbled pieces of paper scattering around on the floor. Hiei could only stared, his mind refusing to work. 

In the past few years, he had grown accustomed to the sight the room. It had craved into his mind so deep that even now, when he closed his eyes, Hiei could see it vivid in his head. Each time he saw the bed, he remembered the night he had spent beside Kurama. Each time he saw the desk, he saw the image of Kurama writing, or smiling and talking with him. Each time he saw the wardrobe, he saw Kurama holding out the human clothes, and pouting while he snorted in disgust. But they had all gone now. No bed, no desk, no furniture, just an empty, abandoned room.

A sound outside snapped Hiei back to reality. He yanked the door open, not even aware that it had been locked, and walked into the main house, only to find that the whole house was abandoned, and empty.

What had happened? The question repeated itself again and again in his head. He couldn't break the promise he made to himself and went to Yukina, but when he went to Yusuke` all what he received was a closed door to his face. So with the question still unanswered, Hiei returned to Makai.

There wasn't any reason to come to Ningenkai anymore. All his trips to the human world stopped. So did the link with his former friends, Yusuke and Kuwabara. Was Hiei sad? He didn't know. He retreated to the way he had been before he met his friends. He didn't live. He just existed.

****


	6. Remembrance of you

Chapter 6

Kal Kally

It was so sick, this whiteness that ruled the surroundings. This was not the pure shade that Hiei had always imagined whenever he thought of his sister. This whiteness only reminded him of death.

But then, maybe it was really death that he felt, Hiei thought as he walked along the hall of a human building. People rushed by, carrying on their faces various kinds of expressions. Hiei had never seen so many emotions in one place before, happiness, relief, pain, worry, fear... As he continued his way, he realized that a few smiles and happiness here and there were like some drops of water that couldn't put off the icy flame of pain and sadness.

Hiei hadn't changed at all. His height, his appearance was the same. He was still wearing the black coat and carrying his katana with him. It was so strange that the dark color that had always been a sign of death to his enemy was now almost one of the liveliest things in this white-overwhelming place.

Hiei halt, seeing Yukina standing before a door. He hadn't met Yukina for so very long. Many years ago, he promised himself not to visit Yukina anymore so that he wouldn't bring her pain. Now meeting her again, he still saw sadness in her eyes. Was he wrong from the start?

Yukina looked up. His heart beat faster. In front of him were still that face, that hair and still those clothes Yukina had worn in the past. But Yukina of the present had changed dramatically from Hiei's Yukina of more than fifty-years ago. The eyes had lost its innocence. Instead, standing there was an experienced, mature woman.

"You are..." Yukina asked hesitantly as Hiei stopped in front of her. Her eyebrows knit up as she tried to remember something. Then she cried almost happily. "Hiei-san, it's really you."

"Yukina." Hiei nodded. "It has been a long time."

"Yes, it has been a very long time. Hiei-san, you haven't changed at all."

What should he say? Hiei just stood there frozen. He knew everything about Yukina. Being the commander of Mukuro's troops, he had the power to keep a tight watch on Yukina's life, and secretly protect her and her family. But in a face-to-face conversation like this, all what he knew, all what he had done couldn't help him to form a single word.

"Hiei-san?"

"Hiei-san?"

"Ah..." He'd better thought of something immediately if he didn't want to look like a fool in front of his sister. "How.. how is Kuwabara?" Hiei sad the first thing that came to his mind, only to watch the faint happiness on Yukina's face quickly changed into pain.

"He... he wasn't well. For days, he couldn't get out of bed. I'm very worried."

"Yukina, I'm... I'm sorry."

"What's for? It's not your fault." Yukina smiled sadly. "I know this day will have to come eventually, still..."  
  


"Yukina, has Hiei been here yet?" A strong voice called Yukina as the door opened and a head popped out. "I sense his youki."

"Yes, he's just arrived here."

"Yusuke, long time to see." Hiei said as he looked at his old friend.

The door was open fully now, as Yusuke rushed out and hugged Hiei in a tight, friendly embrace. "I've been missing you."

Hesitatingly, Hiei hugged his friend back. The tension over Kurama had slowly faded as time passed by. Each time they joined a mission in the youkai world, Yusuke and Kuwabara became friendlier a little bit. It took quite a long time for them to build up the shattered trust. It was true that their friendship had been injured severely, but in the end, time had healed every wound.

Hiei had hoped Kuwabara and Yusuke would open to him a little about Kurama. He waited. He did wait, but they didn't say anything. Each time they met during a mission, it ached in him the urge to ask, but something held him back. Even though he hated to admit it, Hiei knew he was afraid to take the risk of breaking the friendship that had just been healed.

"What are you doing now?" Yusuke asked when he released Hiei. "Since the commander of Mukuro's troops?"

"Hn."

"Typical answer, ne?" Yusuke laughed.

Hiei watched his friend silently, taking in all the difference that had happened since Yusuke moved fully to Makai. Until now, he still couldn't believe somebody could change so much in such a short time.

In his forty, carrying the youkai blood, Yusuke managed to keep his boyish appearance. He was still the outgoing, carefree and arrogant bastard Hiei had known since the first day of their friendship, only that his trips to Makai decreased dramatically. After he married, to everyone's surprise, he settled on being a good husband, and a good father.

But fate didn't smile upon him. Keiko and his children were killed in a broke-in when he was in Makai on one of the few missions he accepted. Yusuke didn't cry even in the funeral, but Hiei knew that his friend had suffered severely with the pain that he couldn't save his family from a simple thief while he was out to save the world from destruction.

A month after the funeral, he quit being a Reikai Detective, and moved to Makai, accepting the role of a leader. Since then, they only met in rare occasion when problems occurred in Makai. Only then, Yusuke, as a Makai lord, Kuwabara, as the protector of the Koorime land, and Hiei, as the commander of Mukuro's army had the chance to met. How Hiei had been surprise at that time. Only a year after his wife's death, Yusuke's appearance had changed from that of a boy to a man.

"Ah, Hiei, come in." Yusuke gestured the open door, cutting off his track of thought. "We've been waiting for you."

"When did you arrive?" Hiei asked.

"Only about an hour before you. Don't just stand there, you're blocking the way." Yusuke pulled him out of the way of a nurse pushing the wheelchair of an old man. Yusuke turned to his sister. "Would you come in also?"

"No." Yukina smiled. "I'll wait here. Kazuma really wanted to see both of you."

Yusuke nodded and dragged Hiei into the room. At the door, he paused and said quietly. "Thank you, Yukina, thank you for understanding."

***

As usual, Hiei just sat there in silence, listening to the voices of his friends chatting. He wondered why Yusuke could sill talk with Kuwabara like nothing happened. He looked at his friends, his eyes lingering on Kuwabara.

Even if he always knew this would happen, Hiei still got shock when he stepped into the room. It was hard to believe that the old gray hair man with those trembling and wrinkled hands was the strong and passionate fighter Hiei had known. And Hiei hadn't met him for just only about ten years or so.

The air was heavy with some unconfortable sensation. Hiei could feel that Kuwabara didn't have much time left. Even though Kuwabara didn't looked ill at all, his life energy was very weak, almost a tenuous thread that could break any moment. Hiei knew this, and knew that Yusuke and Kuwabara was aware of this too. But here, in front of him, they were still talking almost happily about something meaningless. Hiei blinked, in a fraction of second, he thought he had seen the two boys of sixty years ago.

It was painful. Hiei looked away from the scene. It did hurt to see Kuwabara in such a state. Regardless of what he thought or said about the man, he had always thought of Kuwabara as a strong person. And even though he knew how their appearances had changed, every time he thought of his friends, appearing in his mind were still the images of them in their youth. It hurt so much, for he knew they were going to lose Kuwabara soon.

"Hiei." Yusuke suddenly turned to him. "You're still the same. Say something."

"What?"

"Anything."

"Ah..." What should he say when his mind felt blank? Kuwabara and Yusuke were still looking at him, waiting and smiling. His lips parted. Before he could prevent himself, the question that had been pressing his mind had fought its way of out his throat. "What about Kurama?"

Surprise and confusion showed up on both his friend's face.

"Who is Kurama?" Kuwabara frown as he tried to recall his memories. On his face was undisguised confusion.

For some reason, the world stopped spinning.

"What...? What are you saying?" Hiei stammered, confusion too showing on his face. "Kurama is... just... just Kurama."

"Oh..." Yusuke cut in. "Are you talking about the Kurama that had been our comrade very long time ago?"

"Yes... who else?"

"Who... Yusuke, what is he saying?"

"Kuwabara, do you remember the boy that had been in our team when we were still Reikai Detectives? The boy with read hair, and could turn into a Youko?"

"Oh... I remember now. Why asking about him all of a sudden, Hiei?"

Why, how could Hiei know? He spluttered, couldn't understand anything that his friends were saying. The gap that had closed after such a long time between them now was there all over again, wide, deep and impassable. What were they trying to say?

"But... aren't you searching for him?" Hiei managed to say; the surprise that showed on his friends' faces sickened him. He started to regret asking in the first place.

"I can't believe you still think about it." Yusuke said. "Sixty years had passed, Hiei..."

"But back them, you're all... all..."

"Oh yes, I guess we both didn't think, right? We should have thought about what you said and let it go, but we were all too young and too caught up in the thought of pure friendship. Not to mention that Kurama was important to us all."

"That's right." Kuwabara added. "I even cried a whole night. Can you believe it? Me, crying a whole night. I pissed everyone off, thinking that they all held responsibility in his disappearance. I thought I was right, and everyone else was wrong. Now to think of it, I'd been really childish."

Hiei wondered why they were still talking. "Oh..." It was all what managed to get out of his mouth. His mind became even blanker than ever. Yusuke and Kuwabara was still talking, their words seemed so far away, like they were speaking from another dimension.

"You were the only one thinking rationally back then." Kuwabara smiled. "That's what I admired in you most. You can always stay calm in all situations."

But he was not.

"Well, maybe at that time, we all knew what we did was useless, but I guess we were too guilty that we failed him to admit it." Yusuke said.

"I..." Hiei stood up, his sudden motion nearly knocking the chair over. "I have to go..."

"But you've just arrived, Hiei." Kuwabara protested

"I really... something... I have to... I..." Hiei faltered, he only knew that he had to get away from here as fast, and as far as possible.

"I guess it can't be helped." Yusuke sighed. "He was really busy, Kuwabara. I heard there was a rebel in Mukuro's land recently."

"Oh, and you have to take care of that, right?"

"No... oh... yes..." 

"Hiei!" Yusuke cried, and laughed. "Spare the poor door. You don't have to burn it. If you're in a hurry, just go. We understand."

"Wha..." Hiei blinked and turned his eyes to his side. On the doorframe where he had grasped, there was a large, ugly burn.

Kuwabara snorted. "I'll have to pay for it, so be more careful next time, little shrimp."

"I-- I will." Hiei turned and nearly ran out of the room, closing the door forcefully behind him.

"He must be really in a hurry then."

"I'm glad that he actually did manage the time to visit me."

"Kuwabara, after all, he's your friend, isn't he. He...."

Hiei didn't hear anything after that. Friend? He thought as he ran through the corridors. What are friends? And what am I thinking? All his thoughts were a tangling mess.

"Hiei-san?"

Hiei halted, seeing a piece of blue hair. Yukina was walking to him.

"Where have you been?" He asked.

"I've called my sons." Yukina replied and brushed away the few remaining tears in her eyes. "I told them... to come here immediately. He might look tough now, but his time is very near, Hiei-san."

"Do you regret?" Hiei asked, the sadness on Yukina's face tearing his heart. "The life of a human is so short, and they age too easily too."

"Regret? Oh Hiei-san, why must I regret? Knowing Kazuma, Loving him? No, Hiei, I've never regretted."

"But look at you, Yukina." Hiei raised his hand, wanting to touch her hair, but sighed and lowered his hand. "You still aren't happy."

"No, that's not right." Yukina caught his hand and squeezed it. "I've made my choice. I've gone through sadness, that's the truth, but I've seen happiness as well. And I won't exchange the memories of happiness, and even sadness that I have for anything else in the world. I never regret."

"But after this, what would you do? Return to Makai again? I don't want to see you hurt."

"I won't. I'll stay here in Ningenkai. Our love will never die, and I'll continue to live for my children. There's always a part of him in them."

"I... I'm glad to here that." Hiei had to hold back a sigh. 

"And you? Are you going back to Makai again?"

"What else?" Hiei replied. He withdrew his hand from Yukina's, intended to say goodbye. But then, he hesitated. "Yukina, what about Kurama?"

"Kurama... Oh, Kurama-san. What about him?"

"Oh... Nothing, just asking." Some how, his mood sank lower. "Yukina, I have to go now. I don't know when I can see you again. May your path be filled with happiness always." Hiei said, then he turned and walked away.

"Hiei-san!" Yukina's call made him turn back.

"What?"

Yukina looked hesitant, then she bowed. "Thank you very much."

"What for?" 

"For taking care of Kazuma when he was in Makai. Kazuma had told me a lot about you."

"Oh..."

A smile appeared on Yukina's lips as if she'd just had some interesting thoughts. "You always care about others in your own way, I know that. It was the reason why I'd mistaken Hiei-san with my brother a very long time ago. Can you believe it, Hiei-san? There was a time that I thought you were my lost brother, because you had been very gentle. I'd believed that for so long, until when you went to Makai, and didn't return to Ningenkai again. Later, I finally came to understand that you've always been gentle with others, in your own way."

Nothing. Hiei felt nothing. Somewhere in the back of his mind, shock swept by, but only like an isolated, out-tune note that was lost in the wildly blowing wind right after being released from the instrument.

"I'm sorry." Yukina bowed again. "I'm sorry for mistaking you with my brother, and thank you for everything."

There was no emotion, neither happiness nor pain. Hiei felt himself smiling. No thoughts appeared in his empty mind, but suddenly, he knew what to say.

"You're welcomed, Yukina. I'm glad to know you and Kuwabara. May you get over this soon, and still be able to keep your hope."

"I'll will, Hiei. From now on, my children will be my hope. Hope can never die. It only changes from its way to another."

But then, why did Hiei feel that for him, there had never been hope?

***

Outside the building, Hiei saw a flash of clothes on the top of it. His heart clenched, as he immediately knew what this meant. He quickly made it ways to the top by walls and windows, mindless of that some humans could see him.

"Botan." He acknowledged the girl that was now staring impassively at the scene of the hospital garden below. "You're here for him?"

"Yes. Hiei, it has been a long time since I last see you." Botan replied, her voice still devoid of all emotions, but her shoulders slightly shook.

"No, you can't!"

"Hiei, that's my job. I can't change one's Fate."

"I don't care about Fate. Just leave them alone." Hiei nearly yelled.

"There's no more time." Botan's voice was cold and expressionless. "Or, to be more correct, his time has come."

"Botan!" Hiei's youki rocketed, feeling the answer of another youki. Yusuke, Yusuke had also known. "If you don't, I'll..." He grasped her neck and slammed her again the wall. "Do you want to die here, bitch?" 

Both anger and fear flickered in Botan's eyes, but only for a second before returning to emptiness. "Kill me if you wish, but nothing will change. Another ferry girl will just come and take his soul. Or, Hiei, everything will change. You'll just be hunted again, and Kuwabara's soul will have to pay for your action in the deepest of Hell. Is that what you really want, Hiei-san?"

"I..." The hand was slowly taken away from the girl's neck. Hiei's shoulder slumped, and his arm fell limply at his side in defeat. "Why can you do this? You Reikai people always speak so hotly of love and the good side of this world. How can you be so heartless?"

"It's not heartless. It's the inevitable."

"He has done so many things for Reikai. He has save this world from destruction. He has even saved Reikai!"

"No one lives forever, Hiei. This is not a fairy tale. This is reality. This is life. In front of death, everyone was equal. Everything else doesn't matter."

"But..." Hiei groaned. He pulled his headband off forcefully and sent his Jagan's power out in all direction. His power was unstable at first, being pushed forward too hard, and too suddenly. After a few seconds, Hiei could focus on the second view, and spotted two rather strong youki. He knew immediately who they were; their ki had the purity of Yukina's, and the strength and passion of Kuwabara's. They were coming nearer, but with their speeds, they would only managed to get to the hospital in about a little more than half an hour.

"I'm sorry." Botan whispered and turned away.

"No please!" Hiei cried. Then he did something he never thought he would do in his entire life. He got to his knees and begged. "Just let he live for another hour. I don't ask much, their children are coming here. All his life he has been fighting for justice and the safety of all the three worlds. Aren't all those years of devotion enough to exchange for just this one more hour of life?"

"But Hiei-san...." Botan voice started to crack. "Don't be like this... I can't... I..."

"Botan, just follow your heart." A warm voice said behind him.

Hiei turned and saw Yusuke there. He immediately jumped to his feet, not wanting the other to see his moment of weakness.  

Botan had broken down in small sobs. "You have no idea how much this hurt me too, but I can't do anything else. I have my responsibility..."

"Hiei has a point. Kuwabara has done much for the three worlds. It would be unfair if we denied this one request. " A new voice said. A person appeared beside Botan. It was Koenma in his adult form. He squeezed Botan's shoulder. "Don't worry. You have my permission. And if Reikai still insisted on the implementation of law and gave you punishment, I'll share it with you."

"You come to see him too?" Hiei asked.

"Yes. That hour you gain is precious. Let's not waste time and go."

Hiei just stood there unmoving. "Hiei?" Yusuke called.

"I won't." 

"But..."

"I won't." Hiei said more firmly.

Yusuke sighed. "I understand. It must be painful, right? I won't press you. Anyway, thank you." Then he left. Botan and Koenma followed him.

"Wait, Koenma." Hiei ran after the God of Death.

"What?"

"Oh..." Hiei hesitated, then asked, feeling like a fool. "What about Kurama?"

"Kurama? Which Kurama?"

"Just Kurama!"

"Hiei, there're so many souls that went under my care. How can I remember one Kurama among the thousands?"

"Dammit! The Kurama that worked for you sixty years ago. Youko Kurama!" Hiei nearly screamed in frustration.

"Oh." Koenma's face lightened up a little. "Sorry, just because you ask all of a sudden. How could anyone forget Youko Kurama, the Legendary Thief? I guess his fame wasn't fake after all. When he worked for me, I liked him a lot, and did much searching when he disappeared. But somehow, his soul had slipped out of our control. We couldn't find out whether he was alive, or dead as his soul wasn't found. Now that I remember, many had asked about him too, wanting for revenge. Don't tell me he did something to you back then too." Koenma chuckled.

"Go."

"What?"

"Didn't you say time is precious? Just go." Before Koenma could answer, Hiei had disappeared in a blur of black and white.

***

Hiei reached Mukuro's castle without any memories of his way back. He wasn't aware of anything. He looked, but didn't see. He heard, but didn't understand anything. Landing in the castle's huge garden, he immediately crashed to his knees. He made a sound of surprise. Why did his legs feel so weak? Why did his body feel so exhausted?

His right hand kept curling and uncurling around something. Hiei blinked and looked down. He was holding his sword. It had already been dripping blood into a small pool on the ground. What had happened? He didn't remember killing anyone. Hell, he didn't even remember taking it out of its sheath.

Using his sword for support, Hiei tried to push himself up, but fail. A frustrated sound escaped his throat, suspiciously like a half sob. The effect of the earlier evens finally set in, giving birth to some mixed emotion that he couldn't identify. 

What was wrong with him? Why did he feel this way? Everything was perfect. Yukina finally had believed that he wasn't her sister. He no longer had to hide himself from her. He no longer had to fear his enemy would use her against him. Everyone had finally understand that whatever happened to Kurama wasn't their business. They had understood. Then he should be satisfied, shouldn't he?

He should. He really should. The sword was dropped to the ground. Hiei groaned, his fingers clawing and scratching his own arms without really knowing what he was doing. He only knew that he had to get rid of this choking sensation. He was always in control. He always got what he desired. It took him over sixty years, but in the end, everything had happened in the way he always wanted. 

'I don't want this.' He heard some voice far away. 'I don't want this.' It repeated again. He blink, his dirty and blood-smeared hands crept up to wrap around his throat, the voice was his. What was he saying? This was what he wanted. But for some reasons, meaningless words kept flowing out and the uncomfortable feeling grew stronger and stronger by seconds. The pain on his arms where he hurt himself was throbbing, but nowhere near the aching in his mind. 

Hiei snarled and tightened his hands on his own throat. All the thoughts of weakness and pride left his mind, leaving only the desperate need of screaming, of crying, of whatever thing that could help him to release this extreme sensation. He could feel his self-control cracking, but worst, it refused to break. All what escaped his mouth were only gasps and some wheezing sounds.

Something built up in his chest. Something was crawling inside. His body shook with the effort to free it, in the end, he threw his head back and howled. His howl was lost in the screams of the raging dragon that tore itself from his arm. The whirlwind of black fire filled the area with its fury. All the trees burst into flame and the walls of the castle disintegrated even before the dragon hit them. 

So destructive. So powerful. This was the strength that he had used all his life to yield. It was only until this time that he realized the power he had always craved for was also so very useless. He had now been the second strongest youkai, only after Yusuke. He was feared, and respected. But all these facts couldn't help him to earn past an hour of life for his sister's husband. All these facts didn't help him to ease his pain.

The dragon returned to him. Hiei remained laying on the garden floor. Around him was only destruction. Everything had been burned to the ground. Hiei didn't feel any thing. It seemed like every emotion was also burnt into ashes in the black flame. Pain and confusion. Desire and battle lust. Rage and hatred. At that time, he felt nothing except the empty hole in the place of his heart.

Hiei didn't know what happened next to the burnt garden. He managed to crawl back to his room, and fell as sleep right on the floor, body exhausted, and mind numb to the core.

***

The dark tunnel didn't seem to have an end. Hiei had walked for hours, but in front him was still mocking darkness. The ground and the walls were all rough and damp. The smell of moss and wet ground filled the air, so strong that it hurt Hiei's sensitive noise.

Hiei was vaguely aware that this was only a dream, but all feelings and thoughts were tumultuous. From now and then, he would find himself stepping on a small pool of water. The muddy fluid splashed and clung to his trousers. Its icy grasp made his legs feel numb. But he still continued to walk. In front of him was still darkness.

Suddenly he heard chuckles somewhere in front of him. Hiei froze, feeling something familiar in the chuckles. He ran forward, something unknown was pulling him, calling him, attracting him.

It felt like he was pulled out of a tightly closed box and thrown into the light. The endless tunnel suddenly ended. Hiei blinked, his eyes adjust to the light only after several minutes. He found himself standing in a dense forest. Various types of trees surrounded him, some he had never seen in his life. Hiei turned around, but the tunnel had disappeared. Everywhere were only trees and flowers.

There were those chuckles again. Hiei swirled back, and unexpectedly found himself entangled in a mass of vines. The vines curled around his wrists and squeezed body. Vines bound all his arms, legs and neck so tightly that he couldn't move an inch.

A person stepped out. Brushing a long curl of silver hair out of his sight haughtily, Youko Kurama looked at him with playfulness in his eyes. "Hiei. You take your guard down too easily."

Hiei couldn't breath, but not because of the vines squeezing his throat. He started to struggle, wanting to get out of the mass of vines by all cost. In front of him was Kurama! Somewhere in his mind, he knew that this was all a dream, and a dream would end at the very moment when he touch Kurama, but he still struggled with the vines, cutting and burning them with his nails and youki.

"Hiei." Youko Kurama laughed. "Why are you so desperate to get out? Fearing that I'll plant some nasty plants on you again?"

The vines were burnt into ashes in the black flame. Hiei nearly threw himself at Kurama and hugged the fox as tightly as he could. His face buried in the clothes of Kurama as he tried to memorize the feeling of warmth and closeness, and the faint smell of roses.

It would all end in only a minute, he knew that, but still, a minute of dream was much more meaningful than empty hours of day life. Hiei tightened his hold, and suddenly found himself returning to his large, empty room. 

Hiei pushed himself up off the floor. The smell of roses was still lingering in his memories. His whole body was aching and exhausted, but his mind was completely calm. The moment when every emotion was pushed to its limit had ended, like the stone that had dived into the water and returned the surface of the lake to its eternal stillness.

He stepped to the window and drew the curtain open. Outside, night had gone, but darkness had not been conquered completely. The dim light told him that the day had just begun. It was a misty morning. Thick fog covered everything; behind it were some vague shapes of trees. Hiei felt slightly glad that his room looked out to the side of the garden that had not been destroyed by the black fire. He didn't want to see anything that might remind him of those terrible minutes.

A sigh escaped his mouth. Everything changed. It seemed he was the only one that was still living in the past. Everybody changed. How could people forget that easily? 'You heartless bastard.' That phrase had haunted him for all those years. A heartless bastard like him was still seeing Kurama in dreams every night, and even when being awake. Why did so very little of Kurama remained in the memories of those good old friends?

Everything changed. Was sixty years such a long time?

An icy breeze tapped at his face. Hiei shivered, but still jumped out of the window to the garden below. He wandered aimlessly among the trees without knowing why. Sadness kept coming like waves, sinking his heart, his soul, and even everything else in the depth of its sorrowful ocean. For the first time in his life, Hiei saw very clearly the impassable abyss that separated him with everyone else, even with those few close ones like Yusuke, Kuwabara or Yukina... It disappeared for a while with Kurama as the bridge, but most of the time, it was always there, only that Hiei either didn't care enough, or was too afraid to realize its existence.

Somebody was approaching him in the mist. It was Mukuro.

"Hiei." The Makai lord smiled at him. "What a surprise that you aren't sleeping now."

"I've just waked up."

"What's wrong, Hiei?" Mukuro got closer to him.

"Nothing."

"And am I supposed to believe that? You killed the whole troop that was sent to greet your return. You destroyed half of the Western garden and castle. That isn't 'nothing'." Mukuro shook her head, and said with a voice not quite gentle, but not quite harsh also. "Want to talk?"

"No."

"Talking with somebody will help to take off the burden in your mind."

"What for?" Hiei sat down and leaned his back to a tree.

Mukuro also sit down, leaning to a tree nearby.

"I told you I don't want to talk."

"That doesn't forbid me to stay here, right?"

"Whatever."

They just sat in silence. No one knew exactly how much time had passed. The sky was getting brighter, and the mist was slowly disappearing. In the end, it was Hiei who broke the silence.

"Mukuro, are sixty years a very long period of time?"

Mukuro looked surprised at the sudden question, but then she smiled. "Sixty years? For human, sixty years might be more than half a life. The life of us youkai lasts much longer. For us youkai, it's only a short time."

Hiei's eyes were looking at Mukuro's direction, but not seeing her. They gazed at something that only Hiei could see. "Yes, maybe it's only a short time. Sixty years passed by like a blink."

"Something is pressing on your mind, I can tell that."

"But... such a short time is long enough for changes." Hiei stood up and walked on the wet fallen leaves. There were some rustling sounds. Mukuro had got to her feet also, and walked with him.

"Hiei, there's nothing that won't change."

"Mukuro, have I changed?"

A short silence fell, then Mukuro replied. "You... until yesterday, you didn't change at all. Now, yes. But what's so important about that? You're still you."

Hiei turned back abruptly, making Mukuro to stop. He looked at her for a long moment. Mukuro seemed uncomfortable, but didn't say anything. "You also change." Hiei whispered.

"What?"

His hand flew up to brush over a lock of her hair. "I've never realized... Look, your hair has become longer. You also look more gentle and happy."

"Hiei..." Mukuro trailed off, it seemed that this new side of Hiei had made her confused and not know how to react. Hiei suddenly turned his back to her and walked away.

"Mukuro, I want to leave."

"What?" Mukuro cried and grabbed his arm. "What're you saying? Why suddenly...?"

"I want to search for Kurama."

"Kurama? Youko Kurama? The one who worked with you in the past? But why?"

"I want to search for him."

"Hiei! Kurama has been missing for sixty years!"

"Sixty-three years and twenty-four days."

"What?"

"I say he has been missing for sixty-three years and twenty-four days."

"This is ridiculous! That Kurama might be dead by now. Hiei, it's time you started thinking rationally."

Hiei jerked his arm back. A vague look of betrayal flickered in his eyes. "See," he whispered, "even you forget about him..."

The next moment, he had gone, leaving a stunned and confused Mukuro behind.

***

Hiei looked around his room in Mukuro's castle for the last time. The room was completely empty. It was as empty as his soul now, but for the first time in so many years, he felt peaceful. He picked up his katana. Sixty years ago, all his possessions were only this sword and this coat. Now, after sixty years, all what he had were still just those things.

Everything changed, yet nothing changed.

Leaving Makai without informing both Mukuro and Yusuke, Hiei went to Nigenkai. The first thing he did was visiting the old abandoned yard, but the yard wasn't there anymore. In it place was now a high building crowded with people. On the floor of Kurama's house was now a new one; in it yard were some kids playing and laughing.

Sixty years after Kurama's disappearance, Hiei started searching. Time had cleared away nearly everything about Kurama, both in real life, and in people's minds. He had no clue. He didn't know where to start. But the thought that he might be too late had never appeared in Hiei's mind for once, for he had always known that somewhere in the three worlds, Kurama was still living, and still waiting for him.


	7. Epilogue

Epilogue 

***

Hatanaka Shuuichi slowly made his way to the rose pot near the entrance of the flower shop. It was his favorite rose pot that was placed there only for decorations, not selling. For a man nearly eighty years old like him, just walking around in the shop all days was already a hard task. But Hatanaka wanted to dedicate all his life to the shop, and he would, until he couldn't anymore. 

Something caught his eyes, or rather someone. There was a boy standing outside the shop, eyes fixing on the rose place. The boy looked different from the schoolboys he usually saw walking pass his shop. His hair was dark and spiky, a white streak silvered the tips of his hair on the front of his head. The boy was wearing a black coat, and there was a headband on his forehead.

Hatanaka smiled, one great thing about this job was that he got the chance to meet people that shared the same hobby with him. He walked closer to the boy.

"You also love roses?"

The boy startled and looked up, seeming confused.

"I love roses too."

The boy felt silent, then spoke, his voice nearly a whisper. "You keep your promise."

"What?"

"You really did open this shop in remembrance of him."

"Him? What are you talking about?"

"Never mind. I forgot that you don't know his real name."

Hatanaka didn't understand, but the boy looked so forlorn, even though his face was expressionless. Suddenly he wanted to do something. He got to his favorite flowerpot, cut a rose and held it out for the boy. "Here, for you."

"But..." The boy hesitated. "I don't have any money."

"You don't have to pay anything."

The boy took the rose and lifted it to smell the sweet scent of it. Hatanaka waited for an appreciation, his shop was known to be the place where people could find the most wonderful roses. However, on the boy's face, there was only discomfort.

"What's wrong?" asked the old man, feeling slightly offended, "you don't like it? Maybe it isn't beautiful enough? Or its scent isn't good enough?"

"No..." The boy answered after a long silence. "This rose is charming. It's just that the first time I saw a rose, it was such a rose that I can never forget. I couldn't help thinking of it whenever I saw another rose."

"Was it beautiful?"

"So beautiful that it took your breath away. I've been searching to see that sight again."

"But it was in the past. Put it behind and let you enjoy the roses that you can find now. Don't chase after a shadow. Every flower withers away."

"And forget all about it? Isn't it a little bit cruel?"

"No, whatever happens, people must move on eventually. Just feel grateful that the first rose had left in you a good impression that gave birth to your love for roses. The first rose would always live in your memory."

 "And just be a piece of memory that is so easily to be buried under events of the present? I want more than that." The boy snorted.

Hatanaka smiled. "For a boy of your age, you sure talk like a mature adult."

"Oh... " The boy gave him back the flower. 

"Why?"

"Without the other roses, it just seemed so... so lonely."

"No, keep it." Hatanaka shook his head and didn't accept the rose. "Staying here, its existence would only be meaningless. With you, at least, it can have the appreciation of a rose lover. And I guess that's the Fate of it. Just like human, someone just is born to be a loner."

"But what if that loner doesn't want to be alone anymore?"

"Then I guess he starts fighting Fate. It may give him the reason to live, but then, it will just be just his delusion. No one can escape Fate. Oh, at least that's what most people believe."

The boy fell silence again. There were some customers coming into the shop, and the old man turned his attention to the new arrivals. He showed them the flowers they wanted, and told them about the method to take care of them.

"Then for once, I'm glad that I never believe in anything."

Suddenly, he heard a whisper, so faint that he wasn't sure he actually heard it.

Had the boy just said? Hatanaka turned around to see the boy, but where the boy had stood, there was now only empty air.

OWARI.

Thanks everyone that read and reviews for this fic. Your support means a lot to me. ^^ I'm not with words, so... Um... I don't know what else to say... um... Stupid me!

Oh yes, I know it!

Thanks everyone for reading this fic.


End file.
